- Darrin Stephens: You know, Endora, sometimes you can be almost human.
- Endora: This is no time to be insulting.
- Endora: Samantha just presented me with the most beautiful granddaughter.
- Darrin Stephens: [nervous, yet pleased] You mean... I'm... I'm the father of a girl?
- Endora: That too.
- Darrin Stephens: Well, that's just great. And Sam? How's Sam?
- Endora: She's fine. She's fine.
- Darrin Stephens: Endora, I don't know what to do first, to hug you or offer you a cigar.
- Endora: There's no other choice?
- Darrin Stephens: I have a daughter!
- [he hugs her]
- Endora: And how is little Tabatha?
- Samantha Stephens: Mother, there's something I have to talk to you about. We haven't decided on a name yet.
- Endora: Well, I don't care what you call her.
- Samantha Stephens: You don't?
- Endora: No. Whatever you call her, I shall call her "Tabatha".
- Nurse Kelton: [after finding Endora in Samantha's hospital room] How did you manage to get in here? I didn't think Houdini could do it.
- Endora: Houdini had a lot to learn.
- Nurse Kelton: Goodbye, Grandma.
- [she waves, Samantha gets afraid]
- Endora: Why do I have to leave?
- Nurse Kelton: [refers to Sam] Because we are about to take our nap.
- Endora: "Our nap"? Are you going to climb into bed too?
- Nurse Kelton: I was using the royal "we".
- Endora: Are you a member of royalty?
- Nurse Kelton: Yes, I'm queen of this floor. That means I can tell you when to visit and when note.
- Endora: When did you get out of charm school?
- Nurse Kelton: Well, let me put it another way: Get out!
- [first lines]
- Samantha Stephens: [Samantha and Darrin are leaving for the hospital to have the baby] Oh, darling. Don't you think we ought to call your mother and father, and let them know we're going to the hospital?
- Darrin Stephens: Sweetheart, we haven't got time... I'll call them later.
- Samantha Stephens: How about Derek?
- Darrin Stephens: I'll call him, too... Do we know a Derek?
- Samantha Stephens: Not yet. I just thought it might be a nice name if it was a boy.
- Darrin Stephens: Honey, we can decide on that later. How about your mother? Should we let her know?
- Samantha Stephens: Oh, don't worry. She'll be there.
- Darrin Stephens: [the phone rings] Don't answer it.
- Samantha Stephens: It'll only take a minute. Now, you run out and get the car.
- Samantha Stephens: It'll only take a minute. Now, you run out and get the car.
- [answers the phone]
- Samantha Stephens: Hello?
- Serena: Samantha. This is Serena. Your cousin Serena.
- Samantha Stephens: Well, Serena. What are you doing in town?
- Serena: Well, darling, it's the in place to be at this time of year. When are you having the baby?
- Samantha Stephens: Oh, in an hour or so.
- Serena: Well, I guess that kills lunch.
- Samantha Stephens: Probably dinner too.
- Serena: Look, why don't I pop into the hospital and brighten your stay?
- Samantha Stephens: Marvelous. I'll be at the Perkins Hospital and... ooh!
- Serena: What did you say?
- Samantha Stephens: Nothing. But I think someone is trying to tell me something. Bye-bye, Serena.
- Darrin Stephens: Sam, are you all right?
- Samantha Stephens: Oh, I'm fine. Just fine. Darling? How about "Serena", if it's a girl?
- Darrin Stephens: Sweetheart, if you don't hurry, we may end up calling the baby "Freeway", because that's where it's going to be born.
- Endora: Luckily she
- [she being Tabatha]
- Endora: takes after Samantha.
- Darrin Stephens: She does look like Sam. But I think there's a little bit of me there too.
- Endora: Yes, but the wrinkles will disappear soon.
- Nurse Kelton: Who's Endora?
- Darrin Stephens: She took my baby's childhood away from her. I've got to stop her.
- Nurse Kelton: Oh, I've GOT to get out of this business.
- Darrin Stephens: Please. Please don't go. Get back to the nursery.
- Serena: I beg your pardon.
- Darrin Stephens: You see, I'm your father. Your daddy. Me da-da. Da-da?
- Serena: Are you a psychiatric patient here?
- Darrin Stephens: Quick. Back into your bassinet.
- Serena: What is all this?
- Darrin Stephens: Please, you'll miss your feeding. Please believe me.
- Serena: Look, I wasn't born yesterday, you know.
- Darrin Stephens: I know. You were born today. Please get back to the nursery.
- Serena: No, YOU get back to the nursery.
- Serena: [Serena zaps Darrin back to the nursery with a pacifier in his mouth]
- Darrin Stephens: Don't play dumb with me, Endora. You've done some pretty rotten things in your time, but I didn't think you'd stoop this low. You're just an irresponsible, nasty...
- Endora: Aah, aah, aah, ahh! Careful! You're asking for it.
- Darrin Stephens: I'm not asking for anything. I'm telling you to take me to my daughter!
- Endora: WELL, if that's what you want.
- [Zaps Darrin over to nursery, next to Nurse Kelton]
- Nurse Kelton: Look, just for the record, I'd like to ask you something. You're not really here, right? I mean I saw you here earlier with a pacifier in your mouth and now I see you here in your Indian suit. But, it's all in my imagination, right? You don't really exist, right?
- Darrin Stephens: Right.
- Nurse Kelton: Thanks.
- [Darrin leaves. Nurse Kelton calmly picks up the telephone]
- Nurse Kelton: Doctor Hassonbladt, Nurse Kelton. I'd like to make an appointment for a complete psychiatric examination, doctor.
- [last lines]
- Darrin Stephens: [after Samantha says it's too early to tell if Tabatha is a witch] Honey, you're a witch. Can't you tell anything just by looking at her?
- Samantha Stephens: Only that I love her.
- Darrin Stephens: Some witch. Even I can tell that.
- Darrin Stephens: I've got to talk to you!
- Serena: Not you again!
- Darrin Stephens: You shouldn't be walking around like this.
- Serena: Really? You shouldn't be walking around like that.
- [Zaps Darrin into a Native American chief's outfit, complete with a feathered headdress]
- Darrin Stephens: How can you do this to your daddy?
- Manager: What's going on here?
- Darrin Stephens: I know this all looks very strange... but uh there is an explanation. You see, I'm her father.
- Manager: Sure. You're her daddy, right? She was born when you were eight years old, right?
- Darrin Stephens: I know it doesn't add up, but she's...
- [Sees that Serena has disappeared]
- Darrin Stephens: She's gone. I've got to stop her.
- Manager: You're not going anywhere.
- Endora: [Pops in with arm mockingly raised to greet Darrin] How?
- Darrin Stephens: Oh, well you're too late. My baby's out on the town.
- Endora: Do you really think you should wear that outfit at your age?