- Gladys Kravitz: These are Mr. Kravitz's clothes. Tell him he can keep his socks wherever he chooses.
- Samantha Stephens: Mrs. Kravitz, do you seriously...
- Gladys Kravitz: [interrupts] The home is half mine. Why should I move and leave it to him? Let him move, and leave it to me.
- Samantha Stephens: Mrs. Kravitz, do you seriously...
- Gladys Kravitz: [interrupts] He can keep the car. I'll keep the house.
- Samantha Stephens: I'll try again. Mrs. Kravitz, do you seriously mean...
- Gladys Kravitz: I do! The thirty year partnership of Abner and Gladys Kravitz is finished, washed up, dissolved!
- Samantha Stephens: Just because of a pair of socks?
- Abner Kravitz: I said, "Gladys, let me in, I'll catch pneumonia".
- Samantha Stephens: And she didn't answer?
- Abner Kravitz: She answered. She gave me the name of a good doctor.
- Samantha Stephens: Would you care to join us in a glass of champagne?
- Abner Kravitz: Thanks, but not at bedtime.
- Samantha Stephens: Oh, all right, Mr. Kravitz. The guest room is the first door to the left, on the top of the stairs.
- Abner Kravitz: At bedtime, I drink piping hot cocoa. If it's not too much trouble.
- Samantha Stephens: Oh, boy. That Mr. Kravitz sure is a great sleeper.
- Darrin Stephens: He's also a good snorer with amazing long-range reverberations.
- Samantha Stephens: There was a fleeting moment there around three am, when I thought we were under attack by enemy aircraft. In a way, it's kind of cute.
- Darrin Stephens: Cute? Honey there is nothing cute about staying awake all night, listening to stereophonic snoring.