- Gladys Kravitz: I don't understand it. Samantha's gotta be around here somewhere.
- Abner Kravitz: What do you think? The magician's gonna pull her out of his hat?
- Gladys Kravitz: Either we've been hypnotized or we're out of our minds.
- Abner Kravitz: Don't talk plural. I'm hypnotized. You're out of your mind.
- Samantha Stephens: I'm sorry I'm late, but on the way across town, I saw the cutest hat.
- Gladys Kravitz: What hat?
- Samantha Stephens: It didn't do a thing for me... but don't you love the purse and shoes that went with it?
- Norman the Waiter: They really did it to you?
- Samantha Stephens: I don't mind buying lunch.
- Norman the Waiter: No, no, not that, entertainment chairman. They stick the new ones with the tough jobs. PTA... Friends of the Library, The Garden Club, The Bird Watchers. Any group of women that gets together to do something, sooner or later... does it at one of my tables.
- Samantha Stephens: You seem to know a lot about women.
- Norman the Waiter: When they're in groups.
- Samantha Stephens: Norman, the waiter, sent me.
- The Great Zeno: Correction. Norman, the guardian angel of fools and tired vaudeville acts.
- The Great Zeno: It's a deal. Shall we seal it with a nip? I'll fix you a drink.
- Samantha Stephens: No, no, thank you. I've just finished lunch.
- The Great Zeno: This is my lunch. And for dessert...
- Samantha Stephens: What are we celebrating, Johnny Appleseed's birthday?
- The Great Zeno: You see, I have this problem.
- Samantha Stephens: Oh, I hadn't noticed.
- The Great Zeno: I don't mean this, no. This is just something that I do between engagements. My last real engagement was Hartford, four years ago. That's my problem.
- The Great Zeno: You don't know much about magic.
- Samantha Stephens: I do. It's sort of a hobby with our family.
- The Great Zeno: Hey, that's pretty good. How did you do that?
- Samantha Stephens: Even we amateurs know better than to tell the tricks of the trade.
- Gladys Kravitz: Did you see that? All of a sudden he's good. And she gave him a funny look.
- Abner Kravitz: You should look so funny.
- Gladys Kravitz: Did you see that?
- Abner Kravitz: What? You never saw rabbits jumping before?
- Gladys Kravitz: Backward?
- Dr. Henry Clarke: Mrs. Stephens really did it this time. I mean, she certainly found us a clever act.
- Abner Kravitz: Say, I saw it advertised on television. That little magician... will be on Variety Showcase tonight.
- Gladys Kravitz: You see?
- Abner Kravitz: No, I don't see.
- Gladys Kravitz: She got him on television. You'll see.
- Abner Kravitz: No, I won't, he's on opposite the basketball game.
- Abner Kravitz: All right, wise guy, where's your mysterious Mrs. Stephens.
- Gladys Kravitz: She's got to be here. She wasn't home.
- Abner Kravitz: Well, that makes sense.
- Darrin Stephens: From now on, the only one who'll be doing any magic is the magician. I'm here to see that you keep your nose out of his business.
- Gladys Kravitz: Samantha Stephens, entertainment chairman? Why pull a dirty trick like this on an innocent young bride like her?
- June Foster: Only an innocent young bride like her would fall for a dirty trick like this. Besides, it's for a worthy project, isn't it?
- Shirley Clyde: You don't have to sell the hospital-relief fund to us. Don't forget, we stuck you with entertainment chairman last year.
- Darrin Stephens: Mrs. Kravitz, have you seen my wife lately?
- Gladys Kravitz: Kiss me for a dollar, and I'll tell you.
- Darrin Stephens: Only a dollar?
- Gladys Kravitz: Come on, be a sport. Chalk it up to charity. They only let me in the kissing booth on coffee breaks.