- Samantha Stephens: [playing with Larry and Louise Tate's baby] Isn't he cute?
- Darrin Stephens: [to the baby] Gouch, gouch, gouch...
- Samantha Stephens: Oh, Darrin, I wouldn't do that.
- Darrin Stephens: Why?
- Samantha Stephens: They say that baby talk isn't good for babies.
- Darrin Stephens: [to the baby] Oh, then. Say, young fellow, what's your feeling about the income-tax situation?
- [the baby starts crying]
- Darrin Stephens: Mine too.
- Gladys Kravitz: Hello there.
- Maurice: Good morning, Madame.
- Gladys Kravitz: I'm Mrs. Kravitz. I live over there.
- Maurice: Fascinating.
- Gladys Kravitz: Are you a relative?
- Maurice: I'm Samantha's father.
- Gladys Kravitz: How wonderful! I bet you've come to see the baby.
- Maurice: Samantha's had a baby?
- Gladys Kravitz: Yes. And after only three months.
- Maurice: Three months?
- Gladys Kravitz: Don't you find it rather strange?
- Maurice: I certainly do. It only took her mother twenty minutes.
- Maurice: [thinking the Tate baby is his grandson] So, you're my grandson. I'm your grandfather, boy. You may call me Maurice.
- [pause]
- Maurice: Speak up, speak up. I can't hear you. What's the matter with you? Your mother could talk when she was four hours old, in six languages.
- [laughs]
- Maurice: Ah, don't worry, lad. I'll teach you to succeed in spite of your mortal father. You're in for a little adventure, lad. Come on, come on. Let's go.
- [Maurice disappears with the baby]
- [last lines]
- Darrin Stephens: [after Gladys Kravitz sees Maurice leave the Stephens' home through the wall] How are we ever going to explain that?
- Samantha Stephens: We won't have to. By the time she's finished that martini, she'll believe anything.
- [first lines]
- Samantha Stephens: [Sam and Darrin are in bed asleep and the phone rings waking them up] Who would be phoning at this hour?
- Darrin Stephens: I don't know.