- Gladys Kravitz: Come to think of it, Abner hasn't been his old self lately. He doesn't even kiss me goodnight anymore. Last night, he just shook my hand!
- Samantha Stephens: Well, some people have different ways of showing affection.
- Gladys Kravitz: It wasn't even a friendly handshake.
- Darrin Stephens: I've a couple of ideas on the subject.
- Larry Tate: So have I.
- Darrin Stephens: I was thinking of the campaign.
- Larry Tate: Oh.
- Larry Tate: It's very frustrating when I think of all that charm and sex appeal going to waste.
- Darrin Stephens: Ellen's?
- Larry Tate: No, mine.
- Larry Tate: Hi Honey. Decided on what you wanna do yet?
- Louise Tate: I don't care. What do you wanna do?
- Larry Tate: I don't know. What do you wanna do?
- Louise Tate: Oh, anything. But you make up your mind, Larry. I'll do anything you wanna do.
- Larry Tate: Okay, ah let's go to a ball game.
- Louise Tate: No. I don't wanna do that.
- Louise Tate: [Larry is reading a magazine called "Gals, Gals"] Don't you think it's a little undignified for a man your age to have a lifetime subscription to a magazine like that?
- Larry Tate: It has some very interesting articles.
- Louise Tate: Sure. And they all fold out.
- Larry Tate: I meant it has intellectual content.
- Louise Tate: You mean, the girls wear glasses?
- Gladys Kravitz: [Gladys is wearing a blonde wig] Abner, I want you to look at me.
- Abner Kravitz: So, I'm looking.
- Gladys Kravitz: But you're not seeing me. You haven't really looked at me in years.
- Abner Kravitz: I don't have to. I already committed you to memory.
- Gladys Kravitz: [wanting him to notice her hair] Abner, don't you notice something different?
- Abner Kravitz: [looks her up and down and notices her shoes] Oh, you bought new shoes?
- Louise Tate: What are you trying to hide?
- Larry Tate: What makes you think I'm trying to hide something?
- Louise Tate: Your skull is moving back and forth. It always does that when you're hiding something.
- Larry Tate: Louise, if you breathe a word of this to anyone, I'll... I'll cut off your charge accounts!
- Samantha Stephens: I guess there's only one thing you can do.
- Darrin Stephens: Tell her you're a witch?
- Samantha Stephens: No!
- Larry Tate: How did Samantha get from your house to the hotel in less than twenty minutes?
- Darrin Stephens: She umm, she's a witch!
- Samantha Stephens: There's nothing wrong with being interested in two women. As long as they're both your wife.
- Gladys Kravitz: You've had your nose stuck in that book all day.
- Abner Kravitz: I wanna see how it turns out.
- Gladys Kravitz: It's about The Civil War. The North won!
- Abner Kravitz: Let me find out for myself, huh?
- Gladys Kravitz: Abner, don't you ever think of romance anymore?
- Abner Kravitz: Gladys, please. I'm retired!