- Uncle Arthur: Then I spent the summer hunting lions with the British expedition. One morning I shot a lion in my pajamas. Now, what he was doing in my pajamas, I'll never know.
- Endora: [after Darrin tells her his incantation was supposed to make her vanish] But I don't want to vanish; I want to stay and see what you're going to do for your next number!
- Samantha Stephens: [after Darrin says Endora "has been asking for that for a long time" and he repeats the Yaga-Zuzi incantation & dance] Mother, have you been asking for that?
- Darrin Stephens: Hi, Mom.
- Endora: How are you, Darrin?
- Darrin Stephens: Darrin?
- Endora: The name is unfamiliar to you?
- Darrin Stephens: No, but I thought it was unfamiliar to you?
- Endora: I'll make an agreement with you. I'll try to remember your name if you promise never to call me "Mom".
- Uncle Arthur: [Uncle Arthur's head is sticking out of a plate on the table] Forgive me for not rising, but I'm up to my neck in work.
- Samantha Stephens: Darrin, say hello to Uncle Arthur.
- [first lines]
- Endora: I'm so sorry I'm late, but I ran into a slight headwind on my way back from Paris.
- Samantha Stephens: [refers to uncle Arthur] Now, I love him, despite his practical jokes. He's my favorite uncle. Why, do you know, when I was a little girl, he thought me to make my first pony?
- Darrin Stephens: Honey, I don't care. I don't want... - He what?
- Samantha Stephens: I was only four. I couldn't get the spell right. I remember I got one horseshoe and the saddle, but I just couldn't...
- Darrin Stephens: Sam, what are we gonna do about him?
- Samantha Stephens: Try to put up with his bad jokes and be nice to him. Please.
- Uncle Arthur: [Samantha, Darrin, Endora and Arthur are together, drinking coffee] Cream, Darrin?
- Darrin Stephens: Yes, please.
- Uncle Arthur: [he creates instantly a cow by magic] Help yourself.
- [gets amused]
- Uncle Arthur: Forgive me. I just can't help milking a joke.
- Uncle Arthur: [to Darrin] Look, I don't tell you about advertising, so don't tell me about witchcraft, please.
- Samantha Stephens: Mother I want you to be gracious about this. I think it's very big of Darrin to apologize to you... after all you've done to him.
- Endora: [acts very innocently] What have I done to him?
- Samantha Stephens: If you'd like me to start at the beginning. On our wedding night, you put him into the hotel lobby in his pajamas.
- [starts counting with fingers]
- Samantha Stephens: Then...
- Endora: I mean recently?
- Samantha Stephens: How recently?
- Endora: Well, we won't go into that.
- Samantha Stephens: Oh, now, Mother. You must've done something. Darrin hasn't been himself all day.
- Endora: Oh, how fortunate for you.
- [last lines]
- Samantha Stephens: Uncle Arthur. You promised you wouldn't.
- Uncle Arthur: I know. I lied. Okay, so I'll taper off.
- Endora: [to a laughing Darrin, after changing his hairstyle into a Beatlesque moptop] Now then, Ringo, laugh your head off!