- Endora: Where are you off to in such a hurry?
- Samantha Stephens: Shopping. It's Dollar Day.
- Endora: Is that good?
- Samantha Stephens: Marvellous. Everything's on sale. You can pick up some terrific bargains.
- Endora: Ah-ha... I suspected David wasn't doing so well.
- Samantha Stephens: Darrin, and he's doing just fine. Bargain hunting's a challenge. It's fun. It's a great pleasure for mortal women.
- Endora: Poor dears.
- Samantha Stephens: If you're not doing anything, why don't you come along? We can have lunch.
- Endora: Well, it might be interesting to see how the other half amuse themselves.
- [zaps herself into a new dress]
- Endora: Do you like it?
- Samantha Stephens: Very nice.
- Endora: This darling is what I call a real bargain. Costs nothing.
- Samantha Stephens: Try it my way, Mother. It's the challenge of the thing. You'll see.
- Saleswoman: I only wish I had your figure.
- Endora: [disguised as Samantha] So do I. But the back, it's so conservative.
- Saleswoman: Well, I don't know. I suppose it could be lowered a smidgen.
- Endora: [disguised as Samantha] I think that would help. And why don't we lower the front. Say, two smidgens.
- Bob Frazer: [referring to Mrs. Kravitz] Is she a friend of yours?
- Endora: [disguised as Samantha] I hope not.
- Endora: [disguised as Samantha, to Robert Frazer after reading his book on "Helen On Troy"] Of course, Helen was nothing like that. She had a face that would've sunk ships, not launched them. And knock-kneed.
- Bob Frazer: You must've loved studying history?
- Endora: [disguised as Samantha] Living it was more fun.
- Gladys Kravitz: How would you feel if I invited one of my boyfriends to dinner?
- Abner Kravitz: Fine, just make sure he can play pinochle.
- Gladys Kravitz: [Endora is disguised as Samantha and talking to Robert Frazer] I haven't found a thing, but I see you have.
- Endora: [disguised as Samantha] Yes, and I wasn't looking.
- Samantha Stephens: I can enjoy another mortal pleasure. When you've saved enough on bargains, you're entitled to splurge. Now, that's really fun.
- Elderly Gentleman: Excuse me, uh, do you have the time?
- Endora: [disguised as Samantha] One thirty.
- Elderly Gentleman: Oh, that's exactly what I have. May I buy you a drink to celebrate?
- Endora: [disguised as Samantha] You should be ashamed of yourself, sonny.
- Bob Frazer: How is old Dad?
- Endora: [Disguised as Samantha] His watch works, otherwise he's a little rusty.
- Bob Frazer: Crude too, I bet. Probably offered to buy you a drink right off.
- Bob Frazer: How are you on the Borgias?
- Endora: [disguised as Samantha] The things I could tell you about Lucrezia.
- Samantha Stephens: The last thing we need in this house is a raving beauty.
- Darrin Stephens: Correction, my love: another raving beauty.
- Bob Frazer: You have wonderful hands, Samantha.
- Endora: [disguised as Samantha] Hmm!
- Bob Frazer: And the longest lifeline I've ever seen.
- Endora: [disguised as Samantha] It runs in the family. You should see my mother's.
- Bob Frazer: You combine the wisdom of the ages with all that's modern and swinging.
- Endora: [disguised as Samantha] If you're ever up against it, Bobby, you can always write fortune cookies.
- Bob Frazer: Now, don't blame me. My cookie said to be more affectionate.
- Endora: [disguised as Samantha] Mine says, "Beware of chance meetings."
- Darrin Stephens: She's sensational.
- Samantha Stephens: Sensational-looking?
- Darrin Stephens: I don't know. I haven't seen her.
- Samantha Stephens: But you think she's sensational?
- Darrin Stephens: Well, Bob's been raving about her. Besides, she sounds like my type: blond hair, green eyes, crazy turned-up nose.
- Samantha Stephens: Sounds like me.
- Darrin Stephens: Exactly. That's my type.
- Bob Frazer: Say, what's the matter, honey? Did you get out of bed on the wrong side?
- Samantha Stephens: Which side of the bed I get out on is nobody's business but my husband's.
- Samantha Stephens: Oh, Mother, how could you have picked him, of all people?
- Endora: I didn't pick him. He picked me. I mean, you. Or, uh, us.
- Bob Frazer: Look me in the eyes and tell me that Darrin Stephens is the most wonderful man in the world.
- Endora: [disguised as Samantha] Please! Not while I'm eating.
- Samantha Stephens: Darrin, it wasn't Bob's fault. It was Mother's.
- Darrin Stephens: Nobody thinks any less of your mother than I do, but let's not try and hang this on her.
- Gladys Kravitz: If I were running around like that, wouldn't you want to be told?
- Abner Kravitz: Yes, and soon.