- Nancy Hart: Do you know he's taxing us for our unborn chicks?
- Jock Henry: They ain't unborn, they're just unhatched. They're as alive as you are.
- Ben Cartwright: Well, if they settle this one, at least we'll know which came first: the chicken or the egg.
- Joseph 'Little Joe' Cartwright: Well Hoss, are you gonna tell us or not? Who cut your lip for you?
- Eric 'Hoss' Cartwright: I done told ya, I ran into a broom.
- Joseph 'Little Joe' Cartwright: Mm... I just wondered who threw it. Oh, and that uh... that little scratch you got there on your cheek.
- Eric 'Hoss' Cartwright: Cut myself shaving, and that's the truth.
- Ben Cartwright: Look, Hoss, if you did have a fight...
- Eric 'Hoss' Cartwright: Pa, it wasn't no fight... But if you sak me, there's one member of this family looking for a fight right now.
- Joseph 'Little Joe' Cartwright: I'm sorry. I'm just worrying about you, that's all.
- Joseph 'Little Joe' Cartwright: I better win or you'll be out 1720 dollars.
- Ben Cartwright: No. We'll be out 1720 dollars. You have half the bet.
- Joseph 'Little Joe' Cartwright: [to horse] You better win this one, Skinny.