- [during opening credits]
- Male Chorus: Hey, Brannagan!
- Bob Brannagan: Who, me?
- [cut to a beautiful blonde holding heads of lettuce at a vegetable stand whose sign that says, "Have you had your green vegetable today?"]
- Mike Brannagan: I haven't.
- Bob Brannagan: Me, neither.
- [a beautiful blonde knocks on Brannigan's door]
- Ruth Judson: Mr. Brannigan?
- Mike Brannagan: Which one?
- Ruth Judson: Are there two of you?
- Mike Brannagan: I have a brother, but if this is social, heh-heh, he's out of town. Won't you come in?
- Ruth Judson: I'm Ruth Judson. I'd like to engage you.
- Mike Brannagan: Well, I'm available!
- Ruth Judson: I mean as a private detective.
- Mike Brannagan: Oh. Oh, well, I'm available that way, too.