Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV Series)

The I in Team (2000)

Nicholas Brendon: Xander Harris

Photos 

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Willow Rosenberg : I implore you, Neisa, blessed goddess of chance and fortune, heed my call. Send to me the heart I desire.

  Xander Harris : [the camera pulls back to show she is holding five cards]  You know, magic at the poker table qualifies as cheating.

  Willow Rosenberg : That wasn't magic. I was praying. Two, please.

• [at The Bronze] 

  Anya : Xander. You haven't been paying any attention to me tonight. Just peddling those processed food bricks. I don't know why.

  Xander Harris : Well, let me put it in a way you'll understand. Sell bars. Make money. Take Anya nice places. Buy pretty things.

  Anya : That does make sense. All right, I support you. Go sell more.

• Rupert Giles : I don't know how many more ways I can say I'm not interested.

  Xander Harris : Well, try one! Check these flavors: Cherry-Berry, Maple Walnut, ooh, Almond Licorice.

  Anya : Ew.

  Xander Harris : Anya, we don't say "ew" in front of potential customers.

  Anya : Just skip this part and tell him you want money to buy me pretty things. He'll understand.

  Rupert Giles : [sighis]  Very well. Um, Maple Walnut.

  Xander Harris : An excellent choice.

  Rupert Giles : [Giles takes a bite, then looks disgusted]  Please leave my home now.

  Xander Harris : It's the, uh, the gritty texture, isn't it? Maybe you're more of a Cherry-Berry fellow.

• Xander Harris : You are looking at the new local distributor for Boost Bars. "The natural food bar that provides a nutritional energy boost for active, health-conscience people." Want one?

  Willow Rosenberg : No, Thanks. Those things usually taste... kind of tasteless. And then leave a bad aftertastelessness.

  Xander Harris : Well, don't let the healthy scare you. Check out these ingredients. See? Loaded with fatty goodness.

• Spike : [bursts in with tarp over him; smoking]  Close the door!

  Xander Harris : Spike? You may want to give up these morning jogs.

• Rupert Giles : It'll be dark soon... I think it would be wise for you to leave Sunnydale.

  Spike : I'm not going anywhere... not until those bastards undo whatever they did to me. Put me back the way I was.

  Xander Harris : Sure, just explain to the nice scientist guys that you *really* miss killing and torturing innocent people.

  Spike : You think that would work?

  Rupert Giles : Spike, Lord knows why I'm telling you this. It's for your own good. As long as the Initiative is in operation, it's not safe for you here.

  Buffy Summers : No... It's not safe for any of us.

• [Xander, Willow and Anya are playing poker] 

  Xander Harris : Wish the Buff could've made it. This three-hand poker is not quite the game.

  Willow Rosenberg : Guess she's out with Riley. You know how it is with a spanking new boyfriend.

  Anya : Yes, we've enjoyed spanking.

  [the card deck explodes from Xander's hands, and in his embarrassment he changes the subject] 

  Xander Harris : Well, they do seem to fall into the Good Guy camp. I mean, they are anti-demon.

  [Anya gives her a look] 

  Xander Harris : But probably pro ex-demon.

  Willow Rosenberg : Well, they do seem to fall into the Good Guy camp. I mean, they are anti-demon.

  Anya : Maybe. I choose to feel threatened.

  Xander Harris : And why not? There's still heaps we don't know about these commandos. What exactly are they up to?

• Spike : Soldier boys are out in force. I've been trying to keep 'em off my scent, run 'em in circles, but they just keep coming.

  Rupert Giles : And... how is this our concern? Seeing that you've expressed a desire to have nothing more to do with us.

  Xander Harris : Spike said that?

  Rupert Giles : Mm-hmm.

  Xander Harris : [to Spike]  That hurts.

• Riley Finn : Talk to me, Forrest.

  Forrest Gates : Signal's somewhere in this neighborhood. Estimate within a two-block radius.

  [in his apartment, Giles is digging into Spike's wound with the tweezers while Anya holds the flashlight for him] 

  Willow Rosenberg : It feels and looks like the ionizing spell is wearing off.

  Xander Harris : Giles?

  Rupert Giles : Uh, I've got it. I've got it!

  [holds up the tweezers with a two-inch dart with a blinking red light] 

  Rupert Giles : [cut to Beta Team getting closer] 

  Riley Finn : Okay, we wanna keep the hostile contained. So no one is to make a move without my...

  Forrest Gates : Wait. Signal's cleared up.

  [points] 

  Forrest Gates : There.

  Riley Finn : Let's go!

  Rupert Giles : Um, go!

  [Giles give tweezers to Xander who races down the hall] 

  Riley Finn : [cut back to Beta Team]  What?

  Forrest Gates : It's on the move.

  Riley Finn : Heading?

  Forrest Gates : Straight at us, forty meters and closing. Moving fast.

  Graham Miller : In broad daylight?

  Riley Finn : Look alive, people. Weapons at the ready.

  Forrest Gates : Twenty-five meters... twenty... fifteen.

  Riley Finn : Where?

  Forrest Gates : To the left. Ten meters... five!

  Riley Finn : Anyone?

  Graham Miller : I got nothing.

  Forrest Gates : This doesn't make sense. It went right past us.

• Spike : Ow! Watch it. That hurts.

  Rupert Giles : It doesn't appear to be a bullet. It's too deeply embedded to be a tranquilizer dart.

  Spike : Also not tranquil.

  Rupert Giles : Some sort of illumination emanating from it... It's blinking.

  Spike : I don't care if it's playing "Rockin' the Casbah" on the bloody Jew's harp. Just get it out of me!

  Rupert Giles : All right, Anya, there's a bottle of Cognac in the, uh, cabinet next to the sink. Will you get it for me?

  Spike : What, you're gonna get snockered now?

  Rupert Giles : It's not for me, you prat. If I'm gonna operate on you, I need you anesthetized. this'll take some time.

  Xander Harris : We don't have any. That blinking thing. My pseudo-soldier memory bank tells me that's a tracer.

  Rupert Giles : A what?

  Spike : A what?

  Xander Harris : It's like a homing beacon. And if commando guys are reading the signal, they're coming home.

  [Anya hands Spike the Cognac, and he begins to guzzle it] 

  Rupert Giles : Well, we need to buy some time. It's in deep and I'm no surgeon.