- Eric Charming: Actually, Don, I could use some advice.
- Don 'King of Carpets' Miller: Shoot.
- Eric Charming: No, no, guns won't help.
- Queen Lillian White: Why did I have to wake up? I should never have got out of bed. I was having such lovely nightmares!
- Queen Lillian White: Oh, you're kissing, how lovely! Do you know how many germs there are in the human mouth?
- Eric Charming: There's not gonna be a happy ending...
- Snow White Charming: Now, remember when Jack traded his cow for those magic beans? Everyone thought that he got cheated, but the next day, there was that beanstalk to prove they were wrong.
- Eric Charming: Snow, the man got stepped on by a giant!
- Cory Charming: Boy... dad's really upset! He's using words I've never heard him use before... like 'Fiddlesticks'.
- Snow White Charming: The 'F' word!
- Eric Charming: Lillian, guess what I'm getting Snow for our anniversary.
- Queen Lillian White: A muzzle?
- Snow White Charming: Now, what would you have done in The Enchanted Forest, say, if peddler Tupper had cheated you?
- Eric Charming: Well, he never would have. The town crier would have spread the word and no one would ever again buy Tupper's wares.
- Queen Lillian White: Tupper's wares! I always hated his parties!
- The Mirror: But the food was so fresh.