Clueless (TV Series)

Driving Me Crazy (1996)

Michael Lerner: Mel Horowitz

Quotes 

• Mel Horowitz : [handing Cher the ignition keys to his brand-new top-of-the-range Mercedes-Benz]  Wasn't I just buckling you into a car seat? Ah, you kids! You grow up so fast!

  [inside the car:] 

  Mel Horowitz : You ready?

  Cher Horowitz : [nervously]  I hope so.

  Mel Horowitz : You'll be fine. Now, driving is a straightforward series of actions.

  [she nods] 

  Mel Horowitz : The important thing is to remain calm and focused and to keep your eyes on the road. Now, you start the car,

  [points] 

  Mel Horowitz : adjust your mirror, look behind you, and back out of the driveway.

  Cher Horowitz : [smiles]  Okay.

  [starts engine, adjusts rear-view mirror, and reverses out, not too badly, but heavy on the brakes, and they're still rocking:] 

  Cher Horowitz : I did it, Daddy! I kept the wheels straight and everything!

  Mel Horowitz : [realizing this is not going as smoothly as envisioned]  Oh, it's very good, sweetheart, very good.

  [the car stands sideways in the middle of the road] 

  Mel Horowitz : Ah, maybe now you might wanna turn the wheel?

  [she reverses, heavy on the brakes again] 

  Mel Horowitz : Ah, now you might wanna put it in drive?

  Cher Horowitz : Oh...

  [car pulls away drunkenly, to the tune of Relax, Don't Do it by Frankie Goes to Hollywood] 

  Mel Horowitz : [thrown backwards and forwards by erratic driving]  Sweetheart... maybe... we should talk about braking. Huh?

  [strained:] 

  Mel Horowitz : It's a gradual... depression of the pedal... so that you and your poor passenger doesn't go... through the window...!

  Cher Horowitz : [panicked]  I can't help it, Daddy! It's the car!

  Mel Horowitz : All right! Cher, forget it, forget about... forget about the brake pedal, okay?

  Cher Horowitz : Stop yelling at me!

  Mel Horowitz : Just drive! Just drive! Here... here...

  [she narrowly misses oncoming traffic] 

  Mel Horowitz : Left! Uh-huh. Right... right... all right, now left, left...

  Cher Horowitz : Well, every time you move the wheel, the whole car goes!

  Mel Horowitz : Exactly! Stop, Cher!

  [they collide with a stop sign that topples over] 

  Mel Horowitz : I meant stop before you hit the sign!

  Cher Horowitz : Oh, Daddy, that sign came out of nowhere! It all happened so fast!

  [dejected:] 

  Cher Horowitz : It's no use, I can't do this!

  Mel Horowitz : [exasperated]  Never again, Cher! Never again!

  [she whines] 

• Mr. Dunny : [waiting for learner driver to pull away]  Okay, Cher, the coast is clear, let's go!

  [no response] 

  Mr. Dunny : Cher?

  Dionne "Dee" Davenport : Come on, Cher, you are fully capable.

  [as Cher stammers an excuse, reminding her:] 

  Dionne "Dee" Davenport : I did it.

  Jasmine : Cher, are you feeling a little un-confident?

  Mel Horowitz : [his angry face in Cher's mind]  Never again, Cher, never again!

  Cher Horowitz : [defeated look]  I, uhm... I'm feeling kinda car-sick. I don't think I can drive... today. I can't drive today.

  [gets out of the car]