- Rob Petrie: You've done the Stevie Parsons show a dozen times. Why are you suddenly afraid?
- Sally Rogers: I know, Rob, but I've used up all my best stories.
- Buddy Sorrell: So dazzle 'em with your beauty.
- Sally Rogers: Ah, thanks, Buddy. I don't need flattery. I need a joke.
- Buddy Sorrell: That WAS a joke.
- Sally Rogers: I'll advertise for a husband on television. Funny?
- Rob Petrie: Well, I... I... That's not what Buddy... That's not...
- Rob Petrie: [to Buddy] You didn't mean THAT, did you?
- Buddy Sorrell: If it's funny, I meant it.
- Stevie Parsons: Are the fellas all still chasing you around?
- Sally Rogers: Well, I don't wanna say anything, but coming down on the subway, I had to change my seat five times.
- Stevie Parsons: Some guy got fresh with you?
- Sally Rogers: Yeah, finally.
- Sally Rogers: Men, I wanna tell you about an exciting new product - me!
- Stevie Parsons: That's, uh... that's-that's not a new product.
- Sally Rogers: Yeah, that's why I'm trying to get it off the shelf.
- Sally Rogers: Fellas, if you're dull, uninteresting, unattractive, chances are we've already met; but, if you're of voting age - better make that twice voting age...
- Stevie Parsons: Yes.
- Sally Rogers: ...and if you still haven't found the ideal girl, why don't you give up and try me? Just sit down and write yourself a marriage proposal and send it to S.O.S. - that's me, Sweet Old Sal - care of this program. All proposals will be judged impartially by one - me.
- Sally Rogers: Hey, did you fellas see a sack of mail?
- [Mel enters]
- Buddy Sorrell: Hey, will you settle for a tub of lard?
- Mel Cooley: You know, you couldn't be replaced.
- Buddy Sorrell: Why not?
- Mel Cooley: Because I don't know what you are.
- Rob Petrie: [as Sally begins sorting through her sack of mail] Whoa! You're not gonna read 'em NOW?
- Sally Rogers: Whoa, you're not gonna try and stop me, are you? My future may be in this bag.
- Buddy Sorrell: That's what I said the first time I saw my wife.
- Rob Petrie: Listen to this: "Dear Miss Rogers, If you're serious. I'd like to recommend a Mr. Harvey Johnson. signed Mrs. Harvey Johnson."
- Buddy Sorrell: Hey, here's a beaut. Guy wants to know if you got a sister.
- Sally Rogers: Why?
- Buddy Sorrell: He don't like you.
- Mel Cooley: [about the bag of letters he brought in for Sally] Rob, I hope you're not gonna waste all day on this.