The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

The Man from 'Emperor' (1964)

Lee Philips: Drew Patton

Photos 

Quotes 

• Drew Patton : Every guy - EVERY GUY - envies the kind of life I lead. Can you deny that, Rob?

  Laura Petrie : Rob aren't you going to deny that?

  Rob Petrie : Yeah, huh, right, um, right after dinner.

  Drew Patton : Why, uh, why after dinner?

  Rob Petrie : Well, I'd... I'd like to deny it in such a way that I don't make Laura mad, and I, uh, save a little self-respect for myself, and Drew doesn't think I'm a sissy.

• Rob Petrie : [Rob is testing Florence's speed at taking dictation]  We the, uh, People, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, and provide for the common defense, promote the general wel... Am I going too fast?

  Florence : Not really.

  Rob Petrie : Well, what was the last sentence there?

  Florence : promote the general welfare and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

  Rob Petrie : I didn't go that far.

  Florence : I assumed that's where you were going. You weren't planning on making any changes, were you?

  Rob Petrie : No, no.

  Drew Patton : Thank you, Florence. That will be all.

  Florence : Shall I type that up for you?

  Rob Petrie : No, that won't be necessary. They, uh, have a copy in Washington.

• Drew Patton : Every guy in America gets vicarious kicks out of the way I live.

  Rob Petrie : Yeah, I see what you mean.

  Laura Petrie : You do?

  Rob Petrie : Yeah.

  Laura Petrie : You gets vicarious kicks out of the way he lives?

  Rob Petrie : Oh, I, no, I... I'm... I see... I see what... what he... means about them, honey, but I... guys, you know, who like that kind of... of a thing.

  Drew Patton : Uh, do you, uh... do you believe him, Laura?

  Laura Petrie : Oh course I believe him. Rob's never given me any reason not to.

  Drew Patton : If Rob says that, uh, he doesn't envy the kind of life that I lead, he's one of two things. He's either, um, a liar or he's, uh, scared.

  Laura Petrie : No, I don't think he's either one of those things.

  Drew Patton : Oh, in that case, he's dead.

• Drew Patton : Well, how do you feel about, uh, 'Emperor Magazine'?

  Laura Petrie : You really want an honest opinion?

  Drew Patton : Sure.

  Laura Petrie : Well, I feel pretty much the way Rob does. The writing in that magazine is so good that you really don't need all those pictures.

• Rob Petrie : Well, Drew, haven't you ever found a girl you'd like to settle down with?

  Drew Patton : Oh, Rob, every day of my life.

  Laura Petrie : Well, then, how come you've never married one of them?

  Drew Patton : Because if I did, every husband in America would be upset.

• Drew Patton : Now, would you show Mr. Petrie how fast you are, hmm?

• Drew Patton : We can swing tomorrow night.

  Rob Petrie : Okay.

  [on the phone with Laura] 

  Rob Petrie : Honey, that's okay, Drew and I will sw... go out tomorrow night.

• Drew Patton : She's our assistant dessert editor and formerly Miss April of 1960.

  Rob Petrie : 1960, and she still looks good.

• Buddy Sorrell : Boy, what a job - just going around the country finding beautiful girls.

  Drew Patton : Oh, well, they find me. You see, the problem in this kind of business is finding the right men.

  Sally Rogers : Well, it looks like we're kind of in the same business. Wanna merge?