The Dukes of Hazzard (TV Series)

Road Pirates (1979)

Catherine Bach: Daisy Duke

Quotes 

• Daisy Duke : Cletus, that was fantastic! You beat out the General Lee by twenty feet!

  Cletus : [laughs]  Hot dang! Boy, this little gizmo you fellows attached to my carburetor beats everything! I just hit this little switch, pang! I took off like a load of 00 buckshot!

• Daisy Duke : Cletus, what would you do if I was driving?

  Cletus : Shoot, Daisy, if you was driving, I couldn't get anywhere near your car. I'd be too busy chasing all the fellows chasing you.

  The Balladeer : [voice-over]  Cletus' shyness around women is plumb terminal. But he's an expert on women compared to the way he's eat up with stupid when he's trying to do his job. Which makes him a perfect substitute for Enos.

• Sheriff Rosco Coltrane : [answers phone]  Sheriff's office, Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane talking at ya.

  Daisy Duke : [faking distress]  Oh, Sheriff Coltrane, I'm so relieved It's you! I... I wanna file a missing persons report. My little Jethro's been missing for two whole days!

  Sheriff Rosco Coltrane : Uh, he's been gone for two days and you're just now reporting it? Oh, that's naughty, naughty. Uh, listen, uh, let me take down some vital statistics here. Now, now give me, give me one of your vitals.

• Sheriff Rosco Coltrane : [phone conversation, continued]  Uh, now let me get this straight. You say this subject is four years old. Now how about his height and weight?

  Daisy Duke : Well, I ain't hefted him up recently, but I reckon he's average weight for his size, sugar. I mean, Sheriff.

• Sheriff Rosco Coltrane : [phone conversation, continued]  What kind of spots? Like measles or chicken pox or... uh, maybe just freckles?

  Daisy Duke : Oh, I don't think It's none of those. But they stretch from his nose clean on down to his tail.

  Sheriff Rosco Coltrane : Ooh, oh?

  [writing down this junk:] 

  Sheriff Rosco Coltrane : From his nose to his tail. Uh, nose to his tail?

  [chuckles in that way only he does] 

  Sheriff Rosco Coltrane : It sounds like your Jethro is a dog.

  [more chuckling, but then he finally realizes:] 

  Sheriff Rosco Coltrane : He is a dog. And this is Daisy Duke. You're shucking and jiving me, and this is a decoy.

  [sputters] 

  Sheriff Rosco Coltrane : I'm gone.

  [slams down phone] 

• Daisy Duke : [to Cletus, before making quick U-turn]  Hang on, sugar. Not to me.