- Louis Stevens: [in a flashback, Louis is accepting the award for winning the K-SAC Stinky Feet contest, sponsored by Stink-Away Foot Powder] I can't believe this! Wow, uh, wow! I wanna thank my mom, my dad... all my friends at school... oh, of course Miss Beazy, my third grade teacher who said I couldn't spell, but I did have smell!
- Mr. Winnick: Wendy von Leer? Edward Nudelman?
- [Edward Nudelman raises his hand]
- Mr. Winnick: Tawny Dean?
- Tawny Dean: Here.
- Mr. Winnick: Louis Stevens? Louis Stevens?
- [Louis snaps his fingers]
- Chives: Master Stevens is present.
- Tawny Dean: Louis, I can't believe you brought your butler to school.
- Louis Stevens: Well, frankly, I don't know how I got through my days without him.
- Steve Stevens: Oh, Ren, I didn't get a chance to talk to you. How was mother-daughter bowling night?
- Ren Stevens: Well, Mom can't bowl to save her life.
- Steve Stevens: Yeah, sorry to hear that. Oh, uhm... Why is there an English man doing laundry in our home?
- Ren Stevens: Oh, Chives? He works for Louis.
- Steve Stevens: Oh?
- Ren Stevens: Yeah...
- Eileen Stevens: Wasn't last night a blast?
- Ren Stevens: [she has not yet told her mother than her bowling was atrocious] Oh... Kaboom!
- Eileen Stevens: [shows Ren the new, monogrammed, pink bowling shirts she has bought for Ren - Pinky - and herself - Gutter Queen] We joined a mother-daughter bowling league. Isn't that great? Isn't that great, Ren? We can relive the fun we had last night, every single week!
- Ren Stevens: [embarrassed] Uh... uh... Kaboom! Heh, heh, heh.
- Beans: [the prize for Louis winning a 'stinky feet' contest is a butler for a week] Where's Chives? I gotta blow my nose.
- Louis Stevens: Blow your nose? Chives isn't blowing your nose. He's my butler, not yours, OK?
- Beans: Did you know that 'butler' has the word 'butt' in it?
- Louis Stevens: [trying to remain calm] Beans... get out of my house, OK?
- Beans: My Mom said I could stay as long as I want.
- Louis Stevens: Well, Beans, doesn't that tell ya somethin'?
- Beans: Nope.
- Chives: [Chives comes in with an armful of folded clothes] As requested, Master Louis, your shorts are laundered, pressed and lightly sprayed with jasmine.
- Louis Stevens: Thank you, Chives.
- Beans: [takes s sniff] My underpants don't smell *anything* like this.
- [last lines]
- [Louis is sitting in a beanbag chair in his bedroom looking at a scrapbook he made of his week with Chives]
- Louis Stevens: [sadly] Aw, Chives. I miss you, buddy.
- [a knock is heard at Louis' bedroom door; the door opens revealing it to be Chives]
- Louis Stevens: Chives, you've come back, buddy! I've missed you! Just hold me, Chives.
- [Louis gets up from his beanbag chair and runs to give Chives a hug]
- Louis Stevens: Okay, so my room is a mess.
- [Louis sits back down on the beanbag chair]
- Chives: The check you use to pay for my services was, as you say...
- Chives: [as he holds up the check Louis won to pay for him for his services which has "BOGUS" stamped on it in giant red letters] Bogus.
- Louis Stevens: Chives, I'm really sorry. And, dude, I feel awful. I really do. Wish there was some way I could make it up to you, huh?
- [Chives gives Louis an inquisitive look; cut to Louis entering his bedroom while wearing a butler's uniform and his hair combed neatly]
- Louis Stevens: [with an English accent; offering Beans and Chives a plate of bacon as they play video games in Louis' bedroom] Gentleman, a light snack.
- Chives: Louis, what are you waiting for? That lovely, crisp bacon isn't going to crawl into our mouths.
- Louis Stevens: [with English accent] Right, very sorry, sir. My deepest apologies. Here you go.
- [Louis each gives a piece of bacon to Beans and Chives]
- Beans: It's so hard to find good help these days.
- Chives: Indeed, sir.
- Louis Stevens: [with English accent] Yes, very, uh... ahem, hard, sir.