- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [under laughing gas, laughing] I just realized, your name is Doctor Smiley.
- [laughs]
- Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: But you never smile! Getting you to smile would be like pulling teeth!
- [laughs]
- Harriette Winslow: [Eddie got pulled over by the cops, and a ticket] What was the problem?
- Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Failure to signal.
- Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: I got one of those once, did you know the sidewalk isn't a passing lane?
- Carl Otis Winslow: Hey sweetheart, how about some pie?
- Harriette Winslow: That's sounds good.
- Carl Otis Winslow: Yeah, bring me a slice.
- Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Carl, you lazy slug! Get up and get your own pie!
- Carl Otis Winslow: Yes, Mother!
- Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: As long as you're up, bring me a piece.
- Carl Otis Winslow: [ordering in a coffee shop] Just a bearclaw and a coffee.
- [stares at the racist cop]
- Carl Otis Winslow: Black.
- Carl Otis Winslow: How long have you been on the force?
- Officer Carmichael: About a year, almost.
- Carl Otis Winslow: Do you like being a cop?
- Officer Carmichael: Yes, sir.
- Carl Otis Winslow: Why? It's a very dangerous job. You put your life on the line every day, and you never credit for it.
- Officer Carmichael: I just thought I'd make a difference, you know? Good guys against bad guys.
- Carl Otis Winslow: Well... that's a very good reason. Just one problem, son. Your partner is one of the bad guys.
- Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Hey Mr. Winslow tell I'm Eddie, I'm sorry abut spilling the beans about hid speeding ticket and tell him don't worry mums the word about him cutting class.
- Carl Otis Winslow: [to the racist cop who pulled Eddie over] You know, I don't know how that badge stays on, because it's pinned to slime.