- Steve Urkel: To be quite honest, Fuffner; I'd written you off as being incorrigible.
- Willie Fuffner: What did he say?
- Waldo: He called you a gerbil.
- Cop: [Searching Willie and Waldo] Ok, where did you hide the booze?
- Willie Fuffner: I don't know what you're talking about, officer.
- Waldo Geraldo Faldo: [reveals his empty jacket] He probably means the booze that was in my coat.
- [Willie is upset at Waldo as Laura shows up to the crime. She informs Maxine that Steve is safe and Rachel has just taken him home]
- Willie Fuffner: See officer, everything is fine. We were just having a little fun
- Laura Lee Winslow: Fun? Steve could've been killed.
- Willie Fuffner: Hey but he wasn't, so chill out okay.
- Laura Lee Winslow: You just don't get it, do you? You think it's cool to come to a party with a mini bar in your coat. You think it's funny to spike somebody's punch and watch them act like a fool. Well it's not cool. It's not funny, it's dangerous.
- Cop: It's also against the law.
- [He and his partner grabs Willie and Waldo]
- Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Where are we going, Willie?
- Willie Fuffner: Jail, I guess.
- Cop: You're going to juvenile hall until your parents pick you up.
- Willie Fuffner: Do we get a phone call?
- Cop: One call.
- Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Can it be a 976 number?
- [Willie grabs Waldo and takes him with the cops who arrested them]
- [Steve has humiliated Willie at the party that he grabs a small glass of Vodka and pours it into Urkel's cup]
- Waldo Geraldo Faldo: What'cha gonna do, Willie?
- Willie Fuffner: I'm gonna get Urkel.
- Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Why are ya gonna do that, Willie?
- Willie Fuffner: Because he humilated me.
- Waldo Geraldo Faldo: But you humilate me everyday.
- Willie Fuffner: That's different, you're my friend.
- Steve Urkel: Aaah! Aaaah!
- Rachel Crawford: It's okay, Steve. I'm here.
- Steve Urkel: I know! You're standing on my finger!
- [Steve is wasted]
- Laura: Steve...
- Steve Urkel: Laura! Oh, you're a sore for sight eyes!
- Laura: Are you all right?
- Steve Urkel: Swell, punch! I want more punch! Anybody have more punch?
- Laura: Steve, calm down!
- Steve Urkel: [as Waldo hands Steve a cup of the spiked punch] Why should I Laura? I'm the pife of the larty!
- [splashes Waldo with the spiked punch]
- Steve Urkel: [Steve is still wasted] Ooh the Durkel!
- Laura: Waldo, what's with Steve? He's acting weird, even for him!
- Waldo: Willie told me not to tell.
- Laura: Tell what?
- Waldo: That he spiked Urkel's punch.
- Laura: WHAT?
- Waldo: I said he... Hey, you can't trick me!
- Steve Urkel: Come on everybody, let's ooh the durkel!
- [Steve climbs on the ledge of the roof]
- Rachel Crawford: Steve! Steve! Get down from there!
- Steve Urkel: Hey, you gotta get up if want to get dow... oh...
- [guests scream as Steve falls off the edge of the roof]
- Steve Urkel: Help! Help!
- Laura: Steve, are you okay?
- Steve Urkel: [Hanging on a ledge] I've fallen and I can't get up!
- Steve Urkel: Rachel, what are you doing?
- Rachel Crawford: Tightrope walking.
- Steve Urkel: Do you know how to do that?
- Rachel Crawford: No.