Frasier (TV Series)

Flour Child (1994)

John Mahoney: Martin Crane

Quotes 

• [Niles is using a bag of flower as a baby in a parenthood exercise] 

  Niles : Turn him over if he starts fussing, will you, dad?

  Martin : No.

  Niles : I'm roleplaying, dad.

  Martin : Try playing the role of a sane person.

• Martin : [Niles walks into the apartment carrying flour bag in his hands]  What are you doing with that thing?

  Niles : I am forging a parent-child bond that will last forever.

  Martin : Oh that's a relief, I was afraid it might be something stupid.

• Frasier : You know, my particular area of medicine is psychiatry. I like to specialize in the head, you know, not the lower portions of the body. It's much less messy that way. Not that your lower portion is messy at all. It's quite beautiful, actually... not that I'm looking!

  [Arlene screams in pain] 

  Frasier : Is the pain that bad?

  Arlene : No, you're driving me crazy!

  Niles : Don't drive her crazy.

  Frasier : Oh, shut up!

  Martin : [climbing out of the backseat and pulling Frasier out of the front]  Move it out of there! Come on!

  Frasier : All right, dad! All right! Just hurry up.

  Arlene : What, are you a doctor, too?

  Martin : No. I'm a retired cop.

  Arlene : Well, what took you so long? Oh! It's really hurting!

  Martin : I know. Look, everything's gonna be just fine, sweetheart. Now, I've delivered more than a... a few babies in my lifetime, and some of them are even older than you are now. Now, Frasier is gonna hold your hand and help you with your breathing, and Niles is gonna look out for an ambulance, and I'm gonna get ready to bring your beautiful baby into this world, okay?

  Arlene : Okay.

  Martin : Good. Now, are there any questions?

  Niles : Yes. Should our meter still be running?

• Daphne : So I guess you've had some excitement tonight.

  Niles : [quickly]  No, I haven't.

  Daphne : Well, your father sure made it sound exciting on the phone... delivering a baby in a taxi.

  Niles : Oh, that. I don't think of that as excitement as much as my sworn duty to use those skills I honed in medical school.

  Frasier : Yes, Niles ran down to a falafel stand for a pot of hot water.

  Martin : What I can't get over is that feeling of being there right when a person's life begins. One minute, it's just this blob in some lady's stomach. Next minute, it's a person. Blob...

  [snaps his fingers] 

  Martin : ...person.

  Frasier : The miracle of birth summed up in one poetic phrase.