Frasier (TV Series)

The Candidate (1994)

David Hyde Pierce: Dr. Niles Crane

Photos 

Quotes 

• Niles : Nothing is more sacrosanct than our professional ethics. Fortunately, I know a trick to get around them.

• Niles : My wife, Maris, actually has all our servants down at your campaign headquarters licking envelopes. She'd do it herself, but the poor thing can't produce saliva.

• Niles : Frasier, may I see you in the kitchen?

  [Frasier and Niles head for the kitchen] 

  Niles : What's going on in there? You look like a zombie!

  Frasier : Oh God, Niles! I've got something I'd really like to get off my chest.

  [sits at a bar stool] 

  Frasier : But if I told you I'd be violating a doctor-patient confidence.

  Niles : Oh, I see. Well, nothing is more sacrosanct than our professional ethics.

  [sits opposite Frasier] 

  Niles : Fortunately, I know a trick to get around them. For the next few minutes, I'll be your psychiatrist, and then you can spill your guts with impunity.

  Frasier : Well, it's borderline, but I'm desperate!

  Niles : All right.

  Frasier : Just now, on the balcony, Phil Patterson told me that he had been... abducted by aliens.

  [Niles stares] 

  Frasier : Apparently, he was beamed up to the mother ship, for a little interplanetary chitchat!

  [Niles leans around to look outside the kitchen. He then leans back to look at Frasier] 

  Niles : This is bad, isn't it?

• Martin Crane : All right, now. Quiet, it's getting ready to start.

  Niles : You dragged us over here to see a commercial for Holden Thorpe?

  Martin Crane : Shh!

  Frasier : The man is a fascist. He's like Himmler without the whimsy.

• Roz : Don't you both owe each other an apology?

  Frasier : Well, yes! But I was the first to apologize last time. Oh wait, that means it's his turn! Oh, goody, I can be mature about this!

  [Frasier goes to Niles's table] 

  Frasier : Niles.

  Niles : Frasier.

  Frasier : After last night's behavior, I believe an apology is in order.

  Niles : I agree... Well?

  Frasier : "Well," what?

  Niles : It's your turn. I apologized first last time.

  Frasier : No, you didn't!

  Niles : I did so! I distinctly remember. It was after that shouting match at the Monet exhibit. I had my secretary leave a heartfelt apology with your service.

  Frasier : So you did. That means it is my turn again... Damn!