- Sam Weir: I don't need another friend. I already have two. I mean, how many more friends does a guy need?
- Jeff Rosso: I. Have. Herpes. It doesn't hurt that much, but believe me, you don't want it.
- Lindsay Weir: Can I please go now?
- Jeff Rosso: I just blew your mind, didn't I?
- Nick Andopolis: Hey, I heard Kim got an "A" on her Western Civics exam.
- [beat]
- Nick Andopolis: Oh no, that was *my* girlfriend. Hmm, but did you know that Lindsay got detention for flipping off her gym teacher?
- [beat]
- Nick Andopolis: No, wait, that was *your* girlfriend! Hmm.
- Daniel Desario: I heard that Kim hit you really hard in the chest.
- [beat]
- Daniel Desario: No wait. That was me.
- Daniel Desario: [slams Nick in the chest and walks away]
- Nick Andopolis: Wow, that was really hard.
- Mr. Mainzer: Any article ideas? Cindy?
- Cindy Sanders: It's called 'Diary of of McKinley Student'. It describes a High School student's experience.
- Mr. Mainzer: Go ahead and read it.
- Cindy Sanders: September 3rd, 1980. Freshman year. Dear Diary. High school. So cavernous. Cold, uninviting. Starting over. No identity. Everyone looking. Everyone judging. Their eyes pierce my soul. Aimless youth all chat together but no-one connecting. Education of isolation? Class dismissed.
- Mr. Mainzer: Okay, thank you Sylvia Plath. It's a little dark. We want to sell yearbooks, not tell the truth.
- Jean Weir: [speaking to Lindsay about her virginity] Honey, tell her about Korea.
- Harold Weir: Korea? Well, one day I went to Seoul on a weekend pass and I went to this bar, and I had a few too many. And I followed a couple of my buddies to the Red Light District...
- Jean Weir: Your father's first time wasn't special and he's always regretted it.
- Harold Weir: It was the worst five dollars I've ever spent. And I wish I could get those five dollars back!
- Bill Haverchuck: Hurry up, I don't want to be late for Bio.
- Neal Schweiber: Why? What is the big deal?
- Bill Haverchuck: Well, yesterday, I was late... And everyone looked at me!
- Bill Haverchuck: Cindy cut the cheese.
- Neal Schweiber: Oh my god!
- Sam Weir: Shut up.
- Bill Haverchuck: I'm serious. She blamed it on the chair.
- Sam Weir: Well, what kind of chair was it?
- Bill Haverchuck: I don't know. Vinyl?
- Sam Weir: Vinyl chairs always squeak!
- Bill Haverchuck: It wasn't the sound of vinyl squeaking. It was the sound of cheese being cut.
- Jeff Rosso: Hey, have you checked out the new Rush album? I've gotta say, it rocks pretty heavily, and that's comin' from a guy who's seen Hendrix... live!