- Jean Weir: Lindsay, just say the words, it'll make him feel better.
- Lindsay Weir: Sam, you have a beautiful body, you're an Adonis, a slab of beef. If I wasn't your sister... Oh, my God!
- Sam Weir: Cindy Sanders is, like, a librarian type.
- Neal Schweiber: Yeah, librarian for the Playboy mansion.
- Neal Schweiber: My mom says that women prefer guys with a good sense of humor.
- Bill Haverchuck: But you're not very funny.
- Neal Schweiber: Screw you. I'm hilarious.
- Nick Andopolis: Alright, three o'clock today.
- Daniel Desario: Nah, I gotta do something with The Kim at three.
- Ken Miller: Ahhhh, how 'bout 3:01?
- Daniel Desario: How about 3:15 'cause I gotta fit in your mother.
- Ken Miller: ...You wanna sleep with my mom?
- Daniel Desario: Mhm.
- Daniel Desario: I wrote out some Iggy Pop and Ramones songs.
- Nick Andopolis: Oh, The Ramones... The Ramones only play like three chords, man.
- Daniel Desario: All right, so I'll learn another one.
- Neal Schweiber: [Sam wants to boycott the mandatory gym class shower, while Bill and Neal decide to give in] Come on, this is ridiculous. My hands are filthy.
- Bill Haverchuck: Yeah, and I can't say 'No' to a long, luxurious shower.
- Sam Weir: [desperate] No, you can't!
- Neal Schweiber: You're on your own. I'm verstinkene, and I'm showering.
- Sam Weir: [later, in the locker room, Bill and Neal are ready to shower] So you guys are gonna do it, I mean, you're gonna take a shower.
- Neal Schweiber: It's just water. What could happen?
- Bill Haverchuck: Well, you could stop smellin' like my butt, for one.