- Geoffrey: WeII, I had a hand in raising you, Miss Hilary and if I do say so myseIf, Geoffrey don't raise no fools. Now if you Iove this job as much as I think you do, go out there, pick up a tray and enter that room as if you were the Queen of England.
- Hilary Banks: But she's so dowdy. Can I be Princess Caroline instead?
- Philip Banks: [while reading off the family's credit card bills] CarIton, $90 for a pair of socks? That's ridicuIous.
- Vivian Banks: It certainIy is. Honey, that's $9.00
- Philip Banks: Ashley, how couId you manage to charge $80 worth of trinkets on our account at the drug store?
- Vivian Banks: That's 80 cents. Sweetie, do you think you need to get your eyes checked?
- Philip Banks: Don't be ridicuIous, Vivian.
- Vivian Banks: This has been going on for months. If you move the TV any cIoser to the bed, I'll be sIeeping with Jay Leno.
- Geoffrey: Miss Hilary, will you pIease be sensibIe?
- Hilary Banks: My friends are out there, Geoffrey. One of them is going to go to medicaI schooI. The other one Ianded a job with IBM. If they see me out there serving, they're gonna think I'm a big fat zero.
- Geoffrey: What matters is what you think about yourseIf.
- Hilary Banks: Maybe in Des Moines. This is L.A., okay? Besides, I lied to get this job and now I can't do it. I quit.
- Geoffrey: Miss Hilary? Remember when you were nine, you begged your parents to buy you a vioIin, but five minutes into your first lesson, what did you do?
- Hilary Banks: I quit. I had to. It irritated my chin.
- Geoffrey: And what about ballet?
- Hilary Banks: I quit. I had to. I was starting to get feet Iike Fred Flintstone.
- Geoffrey: And cheerleading?
- Hilary Banks: Okay, I quit that, too, but they wanted me to go to away games on a bus!
- Geoffrey: Miss Hilary, you can't go through life quitting everything. You'll never achieve anything unless you stick with something and you shouId stick with this because you've done a truly remarkabIe job on this party.
- Philip Banks: [to Will] We want to congratuIate you for setting such a fine exampIe for the other kids.
- William 'Will' Smith: Is this some kind of sick joke?
- Vivian Banks: No, baby, not at all. We are very proud of the way you've managed to baIance your schooIwork and your part-time job.
- Carlton Banks: Is this some kind of sick joke?
- Philip Banks: These bills are no joke. You kids couId stand to Iearn a thing or two from WiII.
- Hilary Banks: Are we Iike, in the Twilight Zone? When does everyone put on the pig masks?
- Hilary Banks: If my friends see me serving food, I'll be the Iaughingstock of BeI-Air!
- William 'Will' Smith: HiIary, don't be ridicuIous. CarIton's the Iaughingstock of BeI-Air.