- Hattie Banks: Back home my Zeke loved our swimming hole. He'd strip down to his birthday suit and jump right in.
- Will Smith: Granny, please, it's almost dinner time.
- Hattie Banks: [laughs] He'd be in there swimming with Melvin all the time.
- Philip Banks: Uh, Mama, I don't think anybody wants to hear about Melvin.
- Carlton Banks: Au contraire, Dad, the Melvin stories are classic.
- Will Smith: So Melvin was like your best friend?
- Hilary Banks: Melvin was his pig.
- Hattie Banks: I have a lot of stories I can tell you about my Zeke.
- Will Smith: Hold up... are any of them, humiliating?
- Carlton Banks: The best ones always are.
- Will Smith: What did I do?
- Philip Banks: What did you do? You destroyed my image!
- Will Smith: Man, I ain't destroyed nothing!
- Philip Banks: Of course you did! Look at that story! I've got to walk in that banquet room tonight filled with people who are gonna think I'm nothing but a hog-handling hick from Yamacraw!
- Hattie Banks: [from behind, offended] But that *is* where you come from, Zeke.
- Philip Banks: [startled] Mama! I was just having a few words with Will.
- Hattie Banks: And I'm having a few words with you. What have you got to be ashamed of? We always put food on the table and clothes on your back!
- Philip Banks: Mama, I'm not ashamed. There are just certain aspects of my life I don't wish to emphasize.
- Hattie Banks: [furious] Where I come from, they call that being ashamed... Mister Bigshot!
- [walks away]
- Will Smith: [Hattie catches Will sneaking in at 3 AM] Hey Granny, don't let Uncle Phil know, but I'm just a *little* late getting in after my curfew.
- Hattie Banks: How late?
- Will Smith: Let's just say I went *out* after I was already supposed to be *in*.
- Hattie Banks: Don't do it again.
- Will Smith: Watchu doing up so late?
- Hattie Banks: Oh child, I had to get up and start breakfast. I don't know what y'all got that Geoffrey around for.
- Hattie Banks: [has announced she's making dinner, which contains some very unhealthy yet tasty ingredients] We're having pork chops, collard greens, macaroni casserole, and sweet potato pie.
- Will Smith: [wiping his drool off his chin] Lord, have mercy!