Futurama (TV Series)
A Big Piece of Garbage (1999)
Billy West: Philip J. Fry, Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth, Dr. Zoidberg, Documentary Narrator
Photos
Quotes
-
Fry : Did you build the Smelloscope?
Professor Hubert Farnsworth : No, I remembered that I'd built one last year. Go ahead, try it. You'll find that every heavenly body has its own particular scent. Here, I'll point it at Jupiter.
Fry : Smells like strawberries.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Exactly. And now, Saturn.
Fry : Pine needles. Oh, man, this is great... hey, as long as you don't make me smell Uranus.
Leela : I don't get it.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth : I'm sorry, Fry, but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all.
Fry : Oh. What's it called now?
Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Urrectum. Here, let me locate it for you.
Fry : No, no, I, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here.
-
Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Behold, the death clock. Simply jam your finger in the hole, and this readout tells you how long you have to live.
Leela : Does it really work?
Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Well, it's occasionally off by a few seconds, what with free will and all.
Fry : Sounds like fun. How long do I have to live?
[sticks his finger in the hole; the professor looks and whistles]
Bender : Ooh! Dibs on his CD player!
-
Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Remarkable. A stench so foul it's right off the funkometer. I dare say, Fry may have discovered the smelliest object in the known universe.
Bender : Ooh! Name it after me!
-
Documentary Narrator : The repulsive barge circled the Earth for fifty years, and no country would take it, not even that really filthy country. You know the one I mean.
-
Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Good news, everyone. Tomorrow, you'll be making a delivery to Ebola 9, the virus planet.
Hermes : Why can't they go today?
Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Because tonight's a special night and I want all of you to be alive. It's the Academy of Inventors annual symposium.
Fry : Wow, I love symposia!
Professor Hubert Farnsworth : It's the event of the scientific season. Every member presents an invention. The best one wins the Academy prize.
Bender : Sounds boring.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Oh my, yes.
-
Leela : Should we really be celebrating? I mean, what if the second ball of garbage returns to Earth like the first one did?
Fry : Who cares? That won't be for hundreds of years.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Exactly. It's none of our concern.
Fry : That's the twentieth century spirit.
-
[they have found an internet documentary about the garbage ball]
Fry : Wow. In my day, the internet was only used to download porn.
Leela : Actually, that's still the case.
Scientist #1 : Now that the garbage is gone, doctor, perhaps you could help me with my sexual inhibitions.
Scientist #2 : With gusto.
[documentary music]
-
Professor Hubert Farnsworth : I was inventing things before you were barely turning senile.
-
Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Eureka!
Fry : Did you build the smellascope ?
Professor Hubert Farnsworth : No. It turns out I built one last year.
-
Leela : Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new. Let's blow it up already.
Fry : This junk isn't garbage! I can dig in any random pile and find something great.
[He dives into a pile, comes up chocking from a six-pack ring around his neck; Leela cuts it with a knife]
Fry : All right, let's get to work.
-
Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Now, now. There'll be plenty of time to discuss your objections when and if you return.
-
Professor Hubert Farnsworth : A hundred years ago, he was my most promising student at Mars University. But then, after one fateful pop quiz...
[flashback]
Professor Ogden Wernstrom : A-minus? No one gives Ogden Wernstrom an A-minus!
Professor Hubert Farnsworth : I'm sorry, but penmanship counts.
Professor Ogden Wernstrom : I swear I'll have my revenge, even if it takes me a hundred years!
Professor Hubert Farnsworth : [back to present] And here it is, slightly over 99 years later, and still no revenge. I'm essentially in the clear.
-
Professor Ogden Wernstrom : And what will you be presenting this evening, professor?
Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Let's just say it'll put you young whippersnappers in your place.
Professor Ogden Wernstrom : I just hope it's not that lame death clock you presented last year.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Uh... last year, you say?
Professor Ogden Wernstrom : That's right.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Oh, my. Did it put you young whippersnappers in your place?
Professor Ogden Wernstrom : Hardly. We all laughed so hard our teeth fell out. Come along, Cinnamon.
[Wernstrom leaves with his fish]
Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Oh, dear. I'll have to invent something new in the next ten minutes. Perhaps some sort of death clock.
-
Fry : No, Professor, don't give up. There were plenty of times in my century when I was going to give up, but I never did, never. Hey, are you even listening to me? Oh, I give up.
-
Fry : Look at that! A Mr. Spock collectors plate and, woah! a Bart Simpson Doll!
Bartholemew Jo-Jo 'Bart' Simpson Doll : Eat my shorts!
Bender : OK! Mmmmmm, shorts.
-
Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Wernstrom!
Professor Ogden Wernstrom : The very same.