- Jack Benny: You know, I think that it's about time I answered his wild accusation. See, Burns claims that I stole his opening joke and that it was a very good joke. Well, that isn't true. That's the worst joke I ever stole in my life!
- Harry Morton: Blanche, when I woke up this morning there was twenty dollars missing from my pocket. I'm sure the maid took it.
- Blanche Morton: We don't have a maid.
- Harry Morton: I know.
- [George and Gracie are on a train]
- Gracie Allen: Oh George, I'm on a diet, do you mind if I ride backwards while I eat?
- George Burns: What's that got to do with a diet?
- Gracie Allen: Well, when you ride backwards, the train keeps pulling you away from the food and you don't eat too much!
- [Blanche calls out to Gracie from the living room]
- Blanche Morton: How is everything up in San Francisco?
- Gracie Allen: Oh, I'm not up in San Francisco, I'm up in the bedroom.
- Gracie Allen: George and Jack Benny had a terrible fight.
- Blanche Morton: George and Jack Benny, after all these years?
- Gracie Allen: Yeah, isn't it awful? And they're not even talking.
- Blanche Morton: Oh, I just can't believe it. Why, I thought they were closer than Damon and Pythias!
- Gracie Allen: Damon and Pythias? Are they as close as Minneapolis and St. Paul?
- Blanche Morton: No, no, honey, they're in mythology.
- Gracie Allen: Oh, Blanche! They're in Minnesota!
- George Burns: How do you like that, Jack Benny stealing my opening joke - and a great joke! I can't understand it. We've been friends for years, we've been friends all our lives, we started in vaudeville together. Why, I knew Jack when he was really 39! We had quite a fight up in San Francisco last night, I was gonna take a swing at him but I didn't wanna hit a man with gray hair... but wait 'til I catch him without it!