George Burns: George Burns

Quotes 

• Gracie Allen : How long does it take for a birthday cake to fly to San Francisco?

  George Burns : Well, that's a normal, everyday question, so I'll give you a normal, everyday answer. What are you talking about?

  Gracie Allen : Well, tomorrow's my sister Hazel's birthday and I mailed her a cake this afternoon. I hope she gets it in time.

  George Burns : Hope you didn't light the candles.

  Gracie Allen : Oh George, please! There weren't even any candles on the cake. You know Hazel, how she's always trying to hide her age. With all those candles it would remind her of it.

  George Burns : So what did you do?

  Gracie Allen : Well, I helped her. I baked the candles inside the cake.

• Gracie Allen : I saw this man trying to tie a package, so I said, "Can I help you?" And he said, "Oh, I wish you would. I've been working on this knot so long my tongue is hanging out. Would you put your finger on it for me?"

  George Burns : Gracie, you didn't!

  Gracie Allen : No.

  George Burns : Good.

  Gracie Allen : Well, I couldn't. When I tried, he wouldn't even open his mouth!