- Rick Martinez: [to George] I couldn't sleep at night from all the police helicopters.
- George Lopez: Yeah, well, I didn't have a dad. I was glad for the police helicopters. It was the only time in my life I had any male guidance, "Son, go back in the house!"
- Rick Martinez: I don't have a dad either. He died when I was a kid.
- George Lopez: Well, my mom had to work two jobs and I had a learning disability.
- Rick Martinez: Dyslexia?
- George Lopez: Yeah. You know, we have a lot in common.
- Ernie: Yeah, you two started out the same way and then Rick went to college and did a whole lot better.
- Principal Stahler: Studies show that kids with parents who didn't go to college are less likely to go themselves.
- George Lopez: So what you saying is we're stupid.
- Principal Stahler: Good evening, parents. You're probably wondering why only some of you are here.
- George Lopez: Yeah, cuz all the losers stayed at home.
- Principal Stahler: You're all here because none of you went to college.
- George Lopez: [to Angie] Strike that, Angie. We're the losers.
- George Lopez: [to Ernie] It wasn't a real assembly, it was only for parents who didn't go to college. They're trying to inspire our kids by telling them that we're idiots.
- Benny: So when they tell you you're an idiot, they're doing their job, but wen I say it, I'm a bad parent?
- George Lopez: Come on Angie, let's get out of here and go home.
- [to the principal]
- George Lopez: Unless I'm too stupid to figure out how to drive my own car.