- Carmen Lopez: [watching Marisol put on makeup] Your eye ends here but your eyeshadow goes way back here.
- Marisol: At least I got a reason to put on makeup, I leave the house. All you've done for three days is sit up here and read... stupid reader.
- Angie Lopez: [to Marisol] There's only two things keeping me from tearing into you, my son is asleep next door, and I'm pretty sure you could kick my ass.
- George Lopez: So we're agreed, we're never helping anyone again?
- Angie Lopez: Never.
- George Lopez: If we see someone along the road and they're dying, what do we do?
- Angie Lopez: Just drive on.
- George Lopez: And if somebody leaves a baby on the doorstep?
- Angie Lopez: Wait until night and let the coyotes get it!
- George Lopez: [to Max's scout leader who's been making racist statements all night] And you, Grand Dragon, you've got to the count of three to get out of my yard!