- Agent 99: We hate to tell you this, Chief, but we've been tailing you for the last week.
- Chief: Why?
- Maxwell Smart: Well, Chief, we didn't wanna do it, but that's the assignment they gave us.
- Chief: Who gave you that assignment?
- Maxwell Smart: The guy who's over you.
- [pointing downwards]
- Chief: Well if he's over me, why are you pointing down?
- Maxwell Smart: Because his office is downstairs.
- Maxwell Smart: Chief! What happened, are you alright?
- Agent 99: Where's my mother?
- Chief: I was hit by a blackjack.
- Maxwell Smart: Your mother hit him over the head with a blackjack?
- Agent 99: Max! My mother wouldn't do a thing like that!
- Chief: Her mother wouldn't do a thing like that! You sure it wasn't a gunbutt?
- Preminger: We want ze formula!
- 99's Mother: What formula?
- Stroheim: The formula given to you by your husband in Greece.
- 99's Mother: Greece? Oh, now I know who you have me mixed up with: Jacqueline Kennedy.
- 99's Mother: [99 is untying her mother from a rack] Why are those men fighting with Max?
- Agent 99: Oh, eh, they're from a rival greeting card company.
- 99's Mother: I had no idea the competition was so fierce in the greeting card company.