Get Smart (TV Series)

Maxwell Smart, Alias Jimmy Ballantine (1966)

Don Adams: Maxwell Smart

Photos 

Quotes 

• Maxwell Smart : Chief...

  [slaps desk with his hand] 

  Maxwell Smart : I'd like to volunteer.

  # 99 : It sounds like a suicide assignment, Chief.

  Maxwell Smart : I'd like to volunteer to find a volunteer.

• Jimmy Ballantine : Now this kinda work needs long, sensitive fingers. They kinda run in my family. I got two brothers who are concert piano players.

  Maxwell Smart : That's interesting. And you became a safe cracker.

  Jimmy Ballantine : Yeah. Somebody had to support them.

• Maxwell Smart : What have you learned?

  Agent 13 : [hiding in a barber shop towel warmer]  I've learned to hate the spy business, that's what I've learned. All Control does is lock me up in solitary. I might as well be a KAOS man.

  Maxwell Smart : You should be ashamed of yourself.

  Agent 13 : I'm sorry, 86. I didn't mean that. It's just when I signed up to be a secret agent I thought I'd be shot or stabbed - I never thought I'd be melted.

• Dobring : If you are the real Ballantine, then perhaps you could answer a few simple questions.

  Maxwell Smart : Shoot.

  [turns to Rex who is pointing a gun at him] 

  Maxwell Smart : That's only a figure of speech.

  Dobring : What was the date of the Brink's robbery?

  Maxwell Smart : January 17, 1950. The take was 2,345,000 dollars.

  Dobring : Who was the last man elected to the Underworld Hall of Fame?

  Maxwell Smart : Willy Sutton. He was named on 91 per cent of the ballots.

  Dobring : What was the nickname of the man who drove the getaway car in the Van Allen Heist?

  Maxwell Smart : Can I ask you a question?

  Dobring : Go ahead.

  Maxwell Smart : Is two out of three passing?

  Dobring : In this case yes, there was no Van Allen heist. Welcome to KAOS, Ballantine

• Maxwell Smart : I sure hate a crook who can't be trusted.

• Maxwell Smart : Wait a minute, Chief. If KAOS goes out of business, what happens to us?

  Chief : Well, I guess the Control organization would be out of business too. There would'nt be any need for us.

  Maxwell Smart : Well that's okay for you, you're an old man, you can retire on your pension. But what about me, I don't know anything but being a secret agent.

• Maxwell Smart : [Max has accidentally locked the Chief in a safe]  Don't worry, 99 I'm used to dealing with big babies like this, I'll have him out in two shakes of a lambs tail.

  Maxwell Smart : [turns the lock and tries to open the door, nothing happens]  Would you believe three shakes?

• Chief : We're going to have to send a man in to infiltrate that barbershop. Now if we do it successfully, we'll be able to learn how KAOS finances their evil schemes.

  Maxwell Smart : Maybe they're playing the stock market, Chief.

  Chief : No Max, I don't think so. It's much more likely they get their money by robbery, extorsion and blackmail.

  Maxwell Smart : You're probably right. A lot of people don't trust the market these days.