Get Smart (TV Series)

One of Our Olives Is Missing (1967)

Don Adams: Maxwell Smart

Quotes 

• Maxwell Smart : Very clever...

  Maxwell Smart : [pulls of Siegfrieds fake beard]  Siegfried McTavish!

  Siegfried : How did you know I wasn't a doctor?

  Maxwell Smart : Very simple. You went straight to the patient without even complaining about having to make a house call.

• Waiter : [grabs 86 by the lapels, lifting him off the ground]  Listen bud, I don't like people to look at me funny.

  Maxwell Smart : Well if you don't like the way I'm looking at ya, you're gonna hate what I'm gonna say to ya. Besides, you don't look like the type that would to to England to visit the Queen.

  Waiter : Pussycat?

  Maxwell Smart : Pussycat, pussycat where have you been?

  Waiter : I've been to London to visit the Queen.

• Maxwell Smart : Sorry gang, I don't usually bust in on people like this and squeeze their olives, but this is an emergency.

• Maxwell Smart : Where's your olive? Don't tell me you swallowed it...

  Ozark Annie : I swallowed it.

  Maxwell Smart : I asked you not to tell me that!

  Maxwell Smart : [pause]  Well my dear, that may have been the costliest gulp in the course of human history.

• Maxwell Smart : I happen to be a secret agent.

  Ozark Annie : [Annie bursts out laughing]  You're kidding.

  Maxwell Smart : What's so hard to believe about that?

  Ozark Annie : Well face it, you ain't no Sean O'Connery. You know, all handsome and confident. Well, just take a look into the mirror, puddin'.

• Ozark Annie : [Max bursts in to rescue Annie]  Puddin' you're as welcome as a new rooster in a henhouse.

  Siegfried : What kind of nonsense is this? There are four of us and only one of him. Put down your hands, pull out your guns. He can only shoot one of us!

  Maxwell Smart : You're the one.

  Siegfried : Please everybody, hands up!