- Siegfried: You fools! Incompetents! Bunglers!Dumkopfs! Sissies! Call yourselves "killers." You are not worthy of the name. In the past three weeks, Maxwell Smart has personally eliminated no less than eleven...
- [shouts]
- Siegfried: DO YOU HEAR ME, STUPIDS? Maxwell Smart has personally eliminated no less than eleven of our most vicious, brutal, cold-blooded agents!
- [pause]
- Siegfried: Some of whom were my most best, dearest, sweetest, kindest friends.
- KAOS Hood: With that kind of a price on your head, every killer in the country is gonna be after you. You don't stand a chance.
- Maxwell Smart: Oh really? Well I've got news for you, fella. Anybody who tries to collect that reward is gonna have to do it over my dead body.
- Maxwell Smart: [13 is hiding in an ice cream vending machine] Agent 13?
- Agent 13: No, it's the abominable snowman. Of course it's me.
- Maxwell Smart: All right, what have you got, 13?
- Agent 13: You name it: pneumonia, bronchitis, frostbite, the flu.
- Maxwell Smart: Doctor, I'm gonna ask you a question and I want you to tell me the truth. Are you going to kill me?
- Dr. Noodelman: [smiling broadly] Yes.
- Maxwell Smart: Wouldn't you like a little more time to think over your answer?
- Maxwell Smart: It must be very gratifying, Dr. Noodelman, to give people new hope, a new life.
- Dr. Noodelman: He who is blessed with a gift and does not share it lives in darkness.
- Maxwell Smart: I must remember that. I'm getting a little tired of 'a coward dies a thousand deaths'.