Get Smart (TV Series)

The Mess of Adrian Listenger (1970)

Don Adams: Maxwell Smart

Quotes 

• Chief : [having been handed a picture]  Why for crying out loud, this is the baseball team I coached when I was an instructor at the Control training school.

  Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 : Well for heaven's sake. Which one is you, Chief?

  Chief : [points]  Right there.

  Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 : Oh, the one with the black baseball cap on.

  Chief : That's not a black baseball cap, that's my hair.

  Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 : Oh really? How come it's got an initial on it?

• Chief : Listenger is the only man on that baseball team who failed to become a Control agent.

  Ace Weems : Yeah, but he succeeded into becoming something else.

  Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 : What was that?

  Ace Weems : A really great murderer.

  [pause] 

  Ace Weems : A really, top-notch murderer. One of the great murderers of all time. Which, really, he was not an ordinary murderer, he was a murderer's murderer I would say. You know, not one you'd meet every day at the store...

• Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 : Well, you forgot one thing, my friend. Adrian Listenger was hard of hearing.

  Ace Weems : [cocking his head toward Max]  ... What?

• Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 : Just a minute, Listenger, there's one thing I'd like to know: why did you kill all those Control agents on the baseball team?

  Ace Weems : Because you guys were mean to me and cruel to me and you were always throwing baseballs at me.

  Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 : But you were the catcher!

• Chief : [Max and the Chief have been accused of trying to kill each other]  Ridiculous, Max is like son to me.

  Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 : More than that, the Chief is like a father to me.

• Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 : Wait a minute, Chief, there's a guy up there with a gun on us, who has the same set of fingerprints as Adrian Listenger!