- Oleg: Well, tomorrow night at the bachelor party for Smart we want you to blow up all the Control agents.
- Hymie: I cannot do that. I am no longer a KAOS robot. I now work for Control.
- Stanislaus: What got in to you, robot? When you worked for KAOS you used to kill and hello Dolly!
- Oleg: Hello Dolly?
- Stanislaus: Oh yeah, got wrong show
- [hums a tune]
- Stanislaus: Mame! You used to kill and maim.
- Hymie: [at Max' bachelor party] It's 5 minutes to 10, Max, I think we should show the movies now.
- Maxwell Smart: Movies?
- Hymie: Yes Max, I understand that's what they usually do at bachalor parties, show films.
- Maxwell Smart: Oh, what have you got, Hymie?
- Hymie: Oh, what have you got, Hymie? Well, it took a little doing, Max, but I managed to get these:
- [hands over a list]
- Maxwell Smart: [unfolds list eagerly] "Down the Colorado River by kayak". "The Wonderful World of Zinc" and "Holland, land of dykes and tulips".
- Chief: If you ask somebody to be your best man, it's a guarantee something will happen to him.
- Hymie: How come you never asked me, Max? I always thought I was your best friend.
- Maxwell Smart: Yes, well, you are my best friend, Hymie, but you're a robot. I need a best man, not a best thing.
- Maxwell Smart: Sorry about that, Hymie, but, well, you see, it wouldn't be legal the other way. I need someone who can sign the marriage certificate and, and be a witness.
- Hymie: I can sign it Max, I can also make copies.
- Chief: Now why would KAOS want to deal with every man you ask to be your best man?
- # 99: Why don't you ask Hymie, Max?
- Maxwell Smart: That's a good idea, 99, Hymie...
- Hymie: I accept, Max.
- Maxwell Smart: No, Hymie, I wasn't going to ask you to be my best man, I was gonna ask you why KAOS is after every man that I ask to be my best man?
- Chief: [discussing Max' bachelor party] Alright, I'll thrown in the cake. The one that Agent 38 comes out of the cake.
- Maxwell Smart: I don't think I would like that, Chief.
- Chief: Why not?
- Maxwell Smart: It's just not the same when a guy pops out of a cake.
- Chief: Have you seen 38 in a bikini?
- # 99: [about to dismantle a bomb hidden in Hymie] Chief, this'll only take two of us, there's no need in risking another life, especially when that life is responsible for the entire Control organization, isn't that right, Max?
- Maxwell Smart: It certainly is, 99, but I think I should stay around anyway and help.
- Maxwell Smart: [after an explosion, bits of paper are falling down like confetti] What are all these papers?
- Chief: Well Max, that was, those were secret papers of Control!
- Maxwell Smart: Well why didn't you tell me, Chief?
- Chief: I couldn't, Max, it was a secret!
- Maxwell Smart: 99, you don't happen to have a bottle of glue on you, do ya?