The Golden Girls (TV Series)

And Ma Makes Three (1988)

Bea Arthur: Dorothy Zbornak

Quotes 

• Dorothy Zbornak : [Entering living room holding up two necklaces to her outfit]  Ok, girls. Which goes better? The silver chain, or the pearls?

  Rose Nylund : The chain.

  Blanche Devereaux : [Matter of factly to Rose while gesturing to Dorothy]  An amateur's mistake. Can't you see that the chain accentuates the many folds of that turkey like neck?

  Rose Nylund : [Stands up and walks over to Dorothy to highlight her rebuttal critique to Blanche]  Well that may be, but the pearls draw attention to the nonexistent bosom.

  Blanche Devereaux : [Stands up looking Dorothy over again, saying to Rose]  Yes, but, the chain leads the eye even lower to that huge spare tire

  [pauses, motioning to Dorothy's abdomen, then continues] 

  Blanche Devereaux : jutting out over those square manly hips.

  Dorothy Zbornak : [Sarcastically and agitated]  Why don't I just wear a sign that says 'too ugly to live'?

  Blanche Devereaux : [to Dorothy]  Fine, but what are you going to hang it from, the chain or the pearls?

  Dorothy Zbornak : [Snapping back]  Neither! I'm going to spray paint it on my hump!

• Dorothy Zbornak : [Entering the kitchen speaking to Blanche, Rose, and Sophia]  Morning everybody. Rose, if you don't mind, I borrowed your golf clubs. I have a date to play this morning.

  Blanche Devereaux : [In surprise to Dorothy]  With a man?

  Dorothy Zbornak : [Sarcastically]  No, Blanche, with a venus fly trap.

  [pause] 

  Dorothy Zbornak : Of course with a man!

• Sophia Petrillo : Reminds me of the place I met Charles de Gaulle. We were lovers, you know.

  Raymond : Really?

  Dorothy Zbornak : Ma, that's a lie.

  Sophia Petrillo : Who asked you?

  Sophia Petrillo : Picture it: Sicily, 1921. A beautiful young peasant girl saves her lira and takes a trip to Paris, the city of lights, also the only place a guy can wear a cape without getting a lot of funny looks. She wanders into a restaurant and ends up sharing a table with a dashing young Frenchman. They drink, they talk, they burn a cork and draw mustaches on each other.

  Raymond : What?

  Sophia Petrillo : Just wanted to see if you were listening. Anyway, the next thing she knows, it's hours later, the place is empty, and the Frenchman's got his schnoz down her blouse. This begins a beautiful love affair. Kids, I was that peasant girl, and the schnoz was Charles the Mole.

  Raymond : Charles the Mole?

  Sophia Petrillo : Yeah, Charles the Mole. He was the wheel man for Louie the Ice Pick.

  Dorothy Zbornak : Ma, you said Charles de Gaulle.

  Sophia Petrillo : Yeah, right! I slept with Charles de Gaulle. I could've been the first lady of France, but I married your father instead. A man who cleans his toenails with a shrimp fork.