- Tom Good: Do you like it?
- Barbara Good: Yes, I've always wanted two tonnes of rusty old iron in the kitchen. What's it for?
- Tom Good: It's a range, you range on it, with it.
- Barbara Good: Yes but what's it for? We've got a perfectly good cooker already.
- Tom Good: Won't be very good in a couple of weeks when the power gets cut off.
- Barbara Good: Clever. How much did we pay for it?
- Tom Good: The toaster and your hairdryer.
- Barbara Good: Oh thank you very much.
- Tom Good: No electricity.
- Barbara Good: Well, I suppose I could learn to cook with it.
- Tom Good: If you want to dry your hair, put it in there. If you want to make toast, this is *the* way of making toast.
- Barbara Good: Will you be swapping your electric razor for anything soon?
- Tom Good: Yes I suppose so, why?
- Barbara Good: Well this thing is so versatile I want to see how you're going to shave with it.
- Jerry: [to Barbara] Marriage should be a fair division of labour.
- Margo: Like ours.
- Jerry: Not quite like ours, I was thinking more 50-50.
- Margo: Meaning Jerry?
- Jerry: Not 80-20.
- Margo: I hardly call keeping this house in immaculate condition a mere 20%.
- Jerry: You don't. Mrs Pearson comes in five times a week.
- Margo: There is the garden.
- Jerry: I know. Mr Pearson comes in three times a week.
- Margo: I pick and arrange all my own flowers.
- Jerry: But you wouldn't do that if the Pearsons had a daughter who does flower arranging.
- [last lines]
- Barbara Good: Well, that's another problem solved, isn't it?
- Tom Good: Yes, yes, always provided of course he does chase birds.
- Barbara Good: [chicken cackles] Oh, my God, what's that?
- Tom Good: He chases birds, all right! He's in the chicken's run!
- Margo: Well, let me show you what I've got.
- [takes a dress out of a plastic bag and presents it]
- Barbara Good: Oh, that's nice.
- Margo: Yes, well, that's what I thought when I bought it. But I'm afraid it was a terrible mistake.
- Barbara Good: Ohhh.
- [leans in to read the tag]
- Barbara Good: Leclerc! Jolly expensive mistake.
- Margo: Well that's not important. The point is, Barbara, I got it home, I put it on, and I said to myself, "Margo, that simply looks cheap and nasty.". So I wondered if you'd like it?
- Barbara Good: [Breathes a full breath, and replies] Margo, you are the mistress of the unfortunate phrase.