Green Acres (TV Series)

Bundle of Joy (1970)

Eva Gabor: Lisa Douglas

Quotes 

• Eb Dawson : [Speaking about the puppy, Freddy]  Do you know what Mr. Douglas wants us to do with him? Turn him over to the Sheriff.

  Mr. Haney : Well, bless my chicken liver.

  Eb Dawson : Do we have to do that, Mr. Haney?

  Mr. Haney : Well, I'm not an attorney, but I believe I have the perfect solution for your deliminia.

  Lisa Douglas : What's that?

  Mr. Haney : There's a statue on the books that says 'at anyone finding an ipso facto puppy on their doorstep must turn the ipso over to the facto unless the puppy can be placed into the home of a qualified puppy raiser.

  Lisa Douglas : Where do I find one of those?

  Mr. Haney : [Pulling a card out of his pocket]  My card.

  Lisa Douglas : [Taking the card from Mr. Haney and reading it]  Mr. Haney, Raiser of Fawn Poopies.

  Mr. Haney : Now, to conform with the aforementioned statue, I will buy the puppy from you for $2, move him into my qualified puppy-raising home, keep him till he's old enough to be adopted, then sell him back to you for the $2, plus a small charge for boardin' and training and schooling and clothing and whatever ex ceteras 'at he might need. I'd say the whole thing would, uh, come to, oh, only $900.

  Lisa Douglas : I don't know. What do you think, Eb?

  Eb Dawson : $900 sounds fair to me.

  Mr. Haney : You're a good boy, Eb.

  Lisa Douglas : I don't know what Mr. Douglas is going to say about laying out so much money. I better call and ask him.