- Oliver Wendell Douglas: I'd take a little seed, a tiny little seed, I'd, I'd plant it in the ground, I'd put some dirt on it, I'd water it, and pretty soon, do you know what I'd have?
- Lisa Douglas: A dirty little wet seed.
- Mother: [to Lisa] I told you not to marry him, I warned you.
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: Look, who's side are you on, anyway?
- Mother: Hers!
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: But you're *my* mother!
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: [driving through Hooterville] Hmm, you never smelled air like that in the city.
- Lisa Douglas: No I didn't. What is that?
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: [sniffles] Oh, that's Fred Ziffel's. He runs a pig farm.
- Lisa Douglas: He should run it in another direction.
- Lisa Douglas: What is that?
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: It's a sunlamp! I bought it today. The corn is not getting enough sun, it can't get through the smog.
- Lisa Douglas: [Oliver is about to leave for the airport] Haven't you forgotten something?
- [meaning a goodbye kiss]
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: [putting down his suitcase and reaching into a fancy cabinet] My 'Farm Gazette'!