Green Acres (TV Series)

Oliver vs. the Phone Company (1967)

Eva Gabor: Lisa Douglas

Photos 

Quotes 

• Oliver Wendell Douglas : [on the phone, a recording says the operator is having rump roast trouble]  They got to be kidding!

  Lisa Douglas : People don't kid about rump roast trouble.

  Newt Kiley : Rump roast trouble? That's a new recording. At least it ain't in the phone company album I have.

  Oliver Wendell Douglas : They put out an album?

  Sam Drucker : Yeah. The company gives 'em out to you as a bonus if you don't complain about anything for a whole year.

• Oliver Wendell Douglas : [complaining about the phone service]  I tried to get a call through to the Hoyt-Clagwell factory in Fargo, North Dakota.

  Sam Drucker : Even if Sarah was there you couldn't get through to them. She doesn't have a Fargo hole on the switchboard.

  Oliver Wendell Douglas : Call Chicago! They route it through there.

  Lisa Douglas : Maybe they don't have a router hole.

• Lisa Douglas : This always happens, Olivar. Every time you open your mouth, somebody sticks a phone company in it.

• Lisa Douglas : Before you tell me your bad news, let me tell you my good news: Irving works.

  [points at Irving Two Smokes the wooden Indian] 

  Oliver Wendell Douglas : He what?

  Lisa Douglas : While you were away, not a single cowboy showed up!