- Lisa Douglas: [explaining to a frightened Mort that Arnold the Pig comes over every day to watch TV] Yes. His father, Mr. Ziffel, only has a black and white set at home.
- Mort Warner: You-you mean there's an older pig who owns a black and white TV set?
- Lisa Douglas: No, no. His father isn't an older pig. He's an older man. Arnold is the Ziffels' only child.
- Mort Warner: [stuttering] Only child?
- Lisa Douglas: Well, they had a daughter, but she ran away with another goat.
- Mort Warner: Another goat?
- Lisa Douglas: Yes. How do you like Hooterville so far?
- Eb Dawson: What do you do for a livin'?
- Mort Warner: I write for Newsweek.
- Eb Dawson: I write for Newsweek too, but they never send it.