- Eb Dawson: [about the Douglas' rooster doing the opening credits] Did Charlie come in and crow the names this morning?
- Lisa Douglas: Yes, and he did it very well, except the "written by."
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: What are you two talking about?
- Eb Dawson: Have you lost interest in the Gustav Birnbacher story?
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: Yes.
- Eb Dawson: Mr. Birnbacher always said that he owed his success to Herman, so, in gratitude, he left him all his money: 20 million dollars!
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: Oh. He must have been a real ding dong!
- Eb Dawson: When you have as much money as he did, it's called "paranoia".
- Lisa Douglas: Mr. Haney, how can you prove that Arnold is related to Herman?
- Eustace Charleton Haney: It's simple. I use the blood sample comparison method. Now if you'll step with me to the back of my mo-bile laboratory. I call it that because it was given to me by a grateful customer, Moe Bile.
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: Oh, brother!
- Eustace Charleton Haney: [forcibly dragging Oliver by the arm] That's just a little joke I use before escorting people to the back of the truck. It sorta takes the tension out of the air.
- Lisa Douglas: [takes deep breath] Mmmmm, it works! I don't feel as tense as I did!