- Mandy: How would you rate Billy as a caregiver?
- Jeff the Spider: Uh, pretty good, I guess. Except that he's never remembered my birthday, or payed child support. In fact, he usually just jabs me with a big stick.
- [Billy jabs him with a big stick]
- Jeff the Spider: Ow!
- Billy: I'll jab you good, you filthy bug!
- Jeff the Spider: Why don't you love me dad? I'll be anything you want me to be!
- Billy: I want you to be dead!
- Billy's Mom: Oh, my stars and garters! What happened in here?
- Billy: Grim conjured up this...
- Fred Fredburger: Hey, who's that lady?
- Billy: That's my momma.
- Fred Fredburger: Does she make cookies?
- Billy's Mom: Sometimes.
- Fred Fredburger: Well, sometimes, my mom makes me cookies... with chocolate chips, and sometimes, she makes me peanut butter bars, and sometimes, she doesn't make me anything... Chocolate chip is my favorite. Yes.
- Billy: Oooooookaaay.
- Billy: [singing] Please vote me the keeper of the reaper/ I wanna be the keeper of the reaper/ His skinny white bones are mine to own/ To do with as I see fit/ Give him to me and I promise my love won't quit!
- Mandy: I disagree 'bout the keeper of the reaper/ It should be me who's the keeper of the reaper/ Grim's not a toy for an idiot boy/ Who can't even tie his shoes/ If Billy wins, then we all surely lose!
- Grim, The Grim Reaper: Don't *I* get a say about the keeper of the reaper?/ I'll make you all pay for the keeper of the reaper!/ All my rage is bottled up in this cage/ Held back by these iron bars/ I'll never get rid of these mental scars!
- Judge Roy Spleen: I don't care who's the keeper of the reaper/ I'm losin' my hair over keeper of the reaper/ A mountain of stress is crushing my chest/ I'm going blind in one eye/ And its all be-cause of that stupid guy!
- Fred Fredburger: Don't worry! I found some nachos! Yes.
- [Judge Spleen hits him on the head with the gavel]
- Fred Fredburger: OW!
- Billy: [rapping] Time to make you ill, old school style!
- [reverts back to singing]
- Billy: Grim is the corner in my square!
- Mandy: Grim's the chocolate in my eclair.
- Billy: Grim is the freshener in my air!
- Mandy: Grim's the conditioner in my hair.
- Billy: GRIM'S THE PIC-A-NIC IN MY BEAR!
- Mandy: Grim is the cushion in my chair.
- Billy: Grim is the renaissance in my fair!
- Mandy: Grim is the anger in my stare.
- Billy: Grim is the stain in my underwear!
- Mandy: Somehow I knew you were gonna go there.
- Mandy: I'd like to call the court's attention to exhibit A,
- [pulls out Civil War cap]
- Mandy: a hat that belonged to another of Bily's pet, one Wiggy Jiggy Jed. That is, until Billy destroyed him.
- Billy: I had a good reason! He bored me!
- Mandy: And what will happen when Grim bores you? Will you destroy *him*, too?
- Fred Fredburger: Gosh, I love paperwork, especially the part where I get to write my name. F, R, E, D... F, R, E, D... B, U, R, G, E, R! Fred Fredburger! Yes!
- Mandy's Mom: It's not that we don't love Mandy.
- Mandy's Dad: It's just that we're kinda scared of her.
- Mandy's Mom: I'm afraid to even make eye contact with her.
- Mandy's Dad: When she was born, wolves came to the hospital to try to raise her as one of their own. Sometimes we wonder if we were wrong to stop them
- Fred Fredburger: [about Wiggy Jiggy Jed's hat] Hey! Can I try on that hat? I think it's important! It's important for me to try on the hat because...
- Judge Roy Spleen: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
- Fred Fredburger: Judge?
- Judge Roy Spleen: No, shut up.
- Fred Fredburger: Judge?
- Judge Roy Spleen: Shut up.
- Fred Fredburger: Judge?
- Judge Roy Spleen: I order you to shut up!
- Fred Fredburger: Judge?
- Judge Roy Spleen: WHY WON'T YOU SHUT UP?
- Fred Fredburger: ...Judge?
- Judge Roy Spleen: [sighs]
- [Wiggy Jiggy Jed's hat appears on top of Fred Fredburger's head]
- Judge Roy Spleen: Yes.
- Fred Fredburger: Judge! Hey, judge! Yes, when do we get hammer thingies? Because I can maybe make some nice stuff, like a table, or some chairs, or...
- Judge Roy Spleen: This is called a gavel, and no, you don't get one!
- Fred Fredburger: Hey, can I borrow yours for a minute, oh thank you!
- Fred Fredburger: [starts hammering the wall]
- Fred Fredburger: Fred Fredburger! Fred Fredburger! Fred Fredburger! Fred Fredburger!
- Judge Roy Spleen: Give me that!
- [Judge takes hammer away from Fred]
- Judge Roy Spleen: And sit back down!
- Fred Fredburger: But, I wasn't finished!
- Fred Fredburger: [viewing a flashback] Hey, who's that man?
- Billy: That's my dad.
- Fred Fredburger: Ah, you look like him!
- Billy's Dad: He'd better look like me.
- [points at his wife]
- Billy's Dad: 'Cause if he looked like *you*, he'd be PRETTY!
- Judge Roy Spleen: [to Fred Fredburger] Get over here! Now, listen to me. I need you to
- [Fred reaches for gavel but Judge hits his hand]
- Judge Roy Spleen: Don't touch that! I need you to think back on everything you've heard to today... and tell me. Who should get Grim: Billy or Mandy?
- Judge Roy Spleen: Yes.
- Judge Roy Spleen: Yes to Billy... or yes to Mandy?
- Fred Fredburger: Yes.
- Judge Roy Spleen: Yes.
- Fred Fredburger: Yes.
- Judge Roy Spleen: Yes. I see! You're saying Grim shouldnt be separated from either Billy or Mandy... because that would destroy their friendship.
- Fred Fredburger: Yes.
- Judge Roy Spleen: And friendship is our most personal treasure. Even more personal than our toothbrush.
- Fred Fredburger: Yes.
- Judge Roy Spleen: Fred Fredburger, your words have moved my crusty heart. Therefore, I hereby declare Billy's family be placed under house arrest and never be allowed to move! Court adjourned!
- Grim, The Grim Reaper: [while Billy and Mandy are fighting over him] Stop it! Just stop it. You're behaving like spoiled children. I suggest you behave like spoiled adults and settle this in court.