Ken Curtis: Festus

Quotes 

• [Festus hears the congregation singing Bringing in the Sheaves in the local church. He enters and walks down the center aisle toward Reverend Atkins. The organist stops playing and the singing drops off] 

  Reverend Atkins : What do *you* want?

  Festus : Just for the time bein' I'll figure 'at you don't know about last night.

  Reverend Atkins : What are you talking about? What happened last night?

  Festus : I'll guarantee you they's some o' your flock here knows what happened last night.

  Reverend Atkins : Whatever is bothering you, this is neither the time nor the place.

  Festus : I figure this here's the mainest place, Reverend. You don't go trompin' on a man's dreams and not get called for it.

  [turns and faces the congregation] 

  Festus : Now... I ain't no preacher. I ain't had me no school learnin' a-tall. Whatever I'm fixin' to say here might not be the fit and proper words, but I figure you'll all get what I mean. I wanna tell you about a man. Worked hard all his life apreachin' the Gospel, mostly to a bunch of folks that never done no practicin' on it 'ceptin' on Sunday, just like I figure a lotta you folks does. Now this here man tried to do good all his life. One day he got old. 'N' them that run his church figured he wasn't worth a hoot to nobody, so they run 'im off. But he didn't figure he was done by a long shot. So he went to look around everyplace atryin' to figure out somebody that he could help. Finally come clean out here wantin' to buildin' a church for the Injuns. Whether he was crazy or whether he wasn't, that's what he wanted to do. He done it all by his own self. Spent every last penny he had to do it. And I figure he had a right to give it a whirl, to try it. Come right here to your town o' Nescatunga. Wantin' to do good. He got himself good an' tromped on by some o' you righteous, God-fearin' Christians. Now all of you didn't strike them matches that set his church on fire last night, but you was a-eggin' on the ones that done it. The mainest one is your preacher, Atkins here.

  Reverend Atkins : Marshall, I want you to understand I had nothing to do with whatever happened last night. I didn't know about it until right now.

  [Festus turns to face the preacher] 

  Festus : Reverend, I figure there's a right and there's a wrong. Appears to me a lot o' your flock here don't know which is which. Ahelpin' them decide which is which is a preacher's job. Or ain't nobody never told you that?

  [turns back to the congregation] 

  Festus : That's all I got to say.

  [Festus exits the church] 

• [last lines] 

  [Festus is crouching beside Reverend Byrne's grave] 

  Festus : Was it worth it, Reverend? You bet.