- Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: I am sure it's not necessary to tell you what will happen to you should there be an escape, hmm?
- Col. Wilhelm Klink: An escape from Stalag 13? That's a good one.
- Maj. Wolfgang Hochstetter: You will be shot.
- Col. Wilhelm Klink: That's another good one.
- Sgt. Schultz: Colonel Hogan, those prisoners are not going to escape from STALAG 13, are they?
- Col. Hogan: Schultz if they do, you will be the first to know.
- Sgt. Schultz: Colonel Hogan, if they do, let me be the last to know.
- Col. Wilhelm Klink: You know, Hogan, you would have made a good camp commandant.
- Col. Hogan: I applied for the job but they turned me down. I passed the mental test.