- Barney the Anchorman: Kate, this just in... We have a report of a high speed chase, in progress, on the East-bound Ventura Freeway near Oxnard, which is, what, 140 miles from Los Angeles?
- Kate the Anchorwoman: Actually, it's like, you know, 60.
- Arthur Garment: Don't ask me anything about America. I don't know anything about it. I'm from New York.
- Arthur Garment: How much more money do you need?
- Robbie Graham: You can't put a monetary value on money.
- Shrug: [bursting through the front door] How could you not call me about the chase?
- Robbie Graham: I speed-dialed my mother by mistake.
- Shrug: Oh, you are so dead.
- Arthur Garment: So we're just going to sit around like idiots and watch this car chase?
- Robbie Graham: Arthur, the entire city is gonna sit around like idiots watching this car chase. You don't understand. A high-speed chase brings L.A. to a grinding halt. It's like our version of a snow day.
- Arthur Garment: You know, I know all about the lumbar region.
- Lauren Woods: You do? How?
- Arthur Garment: I'm a hypochondriac.
- Lauren Woods: A real hypochondriac?
- Arthur Garment: A devout hypchondriac.
- Lauren Woods: No way! So tell me, is there anything not really wrong with you right now?
- Arthur Garment: I think I feel an aneurysm coming on.