Joan of Arcadia (TV Series)

Do the Math (2004)

Amber Tamblyn: Joan Girardi

Quotes 

• Dog Walker God : [after Joan's near-miss with a skateboarder]  Hey, you gotta look where you're going, Joan.

  Joan Girardi : [sarcastic]  Thanks for the lecture. It helps right now.

• Dog Walker God : You got a "D" on your geometry test, huh?

  Joan Girardi : Yes, a "D", and now the dogs are actually eating my homework. What is this, "take a cosmic dump on Joan day"?

  Dog Walker God : Hey, you know, I'm helping you pick up your stuff here. You know, you're not being very appreciative.

  Joan Girardi : You want some appreciation? Ease up on the homework and the tests. Maybe toss a lightning bolt at that twerp on the skateboard.

  Dog Walker God : Actually, I was thinking more about, uh... piano lessons.

  Joan Girardi : [indicating her armload of books]  Do you see all this, all-seeing one? Huh? I have a Noah's Ark-load of homework already.

• Dog Walker God : Joan, take piano lessons.

  Joan Girardi : I took them when I was little. You know how much I hated them.

  Dog Walker God : Actually, I thought you were kind of good. I mean, you were solidly in the groove on, uh, "Eensie Weensie Spider". Remember?

  Joan Girardi : My parents can't afford lessons.

  Dog Walker God : Ah, you'll figure it out.

  Joan Girardi : No, I won't!

• Eva Garrison : What do you want?

  Joan Girardi : Piano lessons.

  Eva Garrison : Why? Your parents forcing you?

  Joan Girardi : No.

  Eva Garrison : Then why?

  Joan Girardi : Because I used to play when I was little, and I miss it.

  Eva Garrison : [with a sigh]  Right.

  Joan Girardi : [heaving a heavy sigh]  Because someone very important thought I was good at "Eensie Weensie Spider". How many reasons do you need?

  Eva Garrison : Fifty. You got fifty bucks?

  Joan Girardi : Fifty?

  Eva Garrison : Yeah. That'll barely cover the Scotch I'll need after listening to another kid butch Bach.

• Joan Girardi : What's this? Crazy shirt day? 'Cause you are totally winning.

  Adam Rove : Uh, Iris gave it to me.

  Joan Girardi : Oh. So this is a... choice.

  Iris : It's vintage. Still has the original tag.

  Joan Girardi : You look like an escapee from a VH1 special.

• Piano Tuner God : Oh, wow, some of these hammers are broken. That's why it doesn't sound right. You can't play all the notes.

  Joan Girardi : Yeah, well, you can raise people from the dead, so just wave your hand and fix the stupid piano.

  Piano Tuner God : You want special effects, rent "Lord of the Rings". I'm a craftsman, and fixing a piano is delicate work. This one has been... badly neglected.

  Joan Girardi : Yeah, well, budget cutbacks. You should see the girls' bathroom.

• Piano Tuner God : Plato said "Music is the essence of order and leads to all that is good, true, and beautiful."

  Joan Girardi : Okay, so now you're quoting Mickey Mouse's dog? Okay.

  Piano Tuner God : No, music... can't be true if some of the notes are silent.

  Joan Girardi : You are like an endless pop quiz. Music is a metaphor for life, for people. Because pretty much everyone I know is missing a few notes.

  Piano Tuner God : I have to go to my truck for new hammers. You should find someplace else to practice.

• Joan Girardi : You have to help me track down this Richard Girardi guy.

  Luke Girardi : Joan, that would be irrational in the extreme. Dad's behavior made it quite clear he didn't want this to become an issue.

  Joan Girardi : I'm pretty sure his hammer is broken, and how can he play music without all his notes? So you have to help me find Richard.

  Luke Girardi : There was so little of that that I understood.

  Joan Girardi : Hey, look, just get on the Internet and kick your geek thing into action and find Richard Girardi.

  Luke Girardi : Joan, you remember watching "The Godfather" with dad? He thinks it's a documentary. You do not mess around with Italians and their families.

• Joan Girardi : Do you realize the ratio of whole numbers that governs harmony is, like, the same ratio that governs all of geometry?

  Luke Girardi : Of course.

  Joan Girardi : Well, you can't play "Eensie Weensie Spider", dork.

  Luke Girardi : You know, I would appreciate a little consideration and respect. I've discovered the elusive Richard Girardi.

  Joan Girardi : Oh, I meant "dork" in a nice way, really.

• Joan Girardi : Guess I didn't do such a good job today.

  Dog Walker God : What are you talking about? You raised your grade from a "D" to a "C".

  Joan Girardi : C-plus! It's just that my dad... what happened... he couldn't handle it.

  Dog Walker God : Well, he has his missing note. He'll play it when the time is right. It's a long song, Joan. There are so many variations, and, you know, you never know what the next phrase is gonna be.

• Adam Rove : Hey, you've been crying.

  Joan Girardi : Don't worry. Not because of you. Well, I'm sure you were in there someplace.

  Adam Rove : I talked to Iris. I told how I felt.

  Joan Girardi : How's that?

  Adam Rove : The same way you feel. I was just scared, Jane. Got kinda hurt before, and I thought... about you. And... and being scared didn't matter that much.

  [a tear rolls down her cheek] 

  Adam Rove : Hey, you're crying again.

  Joan Girardi : Yeah.