Joan of Arcadia (TV Series)

No Future (2004)

Amber Tamblyn: Joan Girardi

Quotes 

• Joan Girardi : I'm still having nightmares about Judith, and now I have to go to this lawyer's office and talk about Kevin's accident. What did I do in my past lifetime, kill puppies?

• Joan Girardi : The latest exposé? Did somebody double-park?

  Kevin Girardi : I'm writing stuff down for the deposition.

  Joan Girardi : Wait, were we supposed to prepare? I thought we just show up and say yes or no.

• Joan Girardi : I failed my Physics test. Failed. I mean, I've had D's before, but once you see that "F", it's like a whole other part of the alphabet.

  Kevin Girardi : Why are you even taking Physics?

  Joan Girardi : 'Cause I'm into quarks and stuff.

  [seeing Kevin isn't convinced] 

  Joan Girardi : Because of Adam. He's such a brainiac. I feel like I'm supposed to be one, too, because he deserves a girlfriend who's as smart as he is. Are we actually talking about stuff? It's not even 8:00 yet.

• Joan Girardi : "Remember who I am." That's my assignment?

  Gay Male Secretary God : It's easy to get derailed when confronting your future. Try to stay grounded. And stand up straight. I didn't create you to slouch. Go.

  Joan Girardi : Wait. You know my future, so why do I have to go discuss it with Price?

  Gay Male Secretary God : That "free will" lecture just doesn't land with you, does it?

• Gavin Price : Ms. Girardi, I've received Mr. Tuchman's evaluation. You've listed one of your major considerations for your destination of higher learning as weather.

  Joan Girardi : I'm not good with cold.

  Gavin Price : You failed your first AP Physics test.

  Joan Girardi : Physics is hard. Look, why... why don't you just tell me what schools you think I have a shot with? My first choice would be University of Texas, Austin.

  Gavin Price : UT is a fine school. Unfortunately, they do have as one of their admissions criteria evidence of brain activity.

  Joan Girardi : But... I got straight B's last semester.

  Gavin Price : Mmm. You were somewhat farther down the musical scale the year before.

• Fortune Teller God : Oh, that's funny.

  Joan Girardi : What?

  Fortune Teller God : [indicating the tarot cards]  They're blank.

  Joan Girardi : What does that mean?

  Fortune Teller God : Well, apparently you have no future. Well, technically speaking, no one does.

  Joan Girardi : [realizing who it is]  Oh, God.

• Fortune Teller God : You heard of string theory?

  Joan Girardi : I'm failing my Physics class, remember?

  Fortune Teller God : Well, a quick tutorial. Past, present, future, all co-existing in different dimensions with different rates of vibration.

  Joan Girardi : Great. How about college?

  Fortune Teller God : Oh, the future's not fixed, Joan. Its very existence is determined by the choices you make in the present.

  Joan Girardi : Okay. What are you saying? I shouldn't worry about the future?

  Fortune Teller God : Well, the best way to affect it is by bringing your consciousness to the moment.

  Joan Girardi : Ugh. You're like a walking refrigerator magnet.

  Fortune Teller God : Well, I'm just saying that that's where all the action is. It's the only place you have any real power.

  Joan Girardi : [standing to leave]  Your wig is, like, from Cher's reject pile. Are you aware?

  Fortune Teller God : Don't forget about the present, Joan.

• Joan Girardi : Mom, um, I have to go to the deposition now, and, um... well, since I have to tell the truth, I thought I would start here.

  Helen Girardi : Oh, god.

  Joan Girardi : Promise not to freak out.

  Helen Girardi : Speak.

  Joan Girardi : I failed my Physics test, and I don't have a shot at a four-year college. Bye.

  Helen Girardi : Whoa!

• Helen Girardi : Price!

  Joan Girardi : Mom, see, this is what freaking out looks like.

• Joan Girardi : Ah, so Luke and Grace really are in the garage. I thought mom was having a mini-stroke.