- Joan: Dinner's ready!
- Kevin Girardi: Meat loaf again?
- Joan: Shut up. This time, you're eating it.
- Kevin Girardi: Seriously, I just had a burrito around 4:00. I'm still in a coma.
- Will Girardi: Kevin, you're a Girardi. Eat.
- Joan: I think I failed my chemistry exam.
- Helen Girardi: Aw. That's too bad.
- Joan: That's all you're gonna say?
- Helen Girardi: Well, one of the nice things about you getting older is that you're getting better at punishing yourself.
- Helen Girardi: One of the reasons that I have been so cranky lately is that I haven't been getting any sleep. I-I'm just so terrified about teaching, I just keep going over and over what I'm gonna say 'till 3:00 in the morning.
- Joan: I always thought once you were an adult, you just sort of... wake up with all the answers.
- Helen Girardi: Yeah, that would be nice. There's hardly ever any answers. Just... more questions.
- Joan: Do you ever show up when I actually need help?
- Goth Kid God: You don't need me. You're doing great.
- Joan: Oh, okay, and so you're here to, what, show me your new nose ring?
- Goth Kid God: I want you to pick some Cream of Wheat on your way home.
- Joan: Cream of what?
- Goth Kid God: Cream of Wheat. It's got a lot of iron, and Luke needs it.
- Joan: No, no, you don't understand. I'm done. Luke gets to put on his space suit, mom got to her meeting, crisis averted. Have a pleasant day.
- [turning to leave, she stops]
- Joan: You're not gonna stop me?
- Goth Kid God: It's your choice to walk away. I just think it's interesting that of all the tasks I've given you, buying Cream of Wheat is the one you're abandoning.
- Joan: Because it's endless! It's black hole of never-ending worries and responsibilities.
- Goth Kid God: It's called growing up.
- Joan: Well, what if I don't want to?
- Goth Kid God: In the brief time we've been talking here, thousands of cells in your body have died and renewed themselves. You're changing all the time. It's how you know you're alive.
- Joan: It just seems so scary. And now here's the part where you reassure me...
- Goth Kid God: It is scary.
- [opening her backpack and taking out her turtle ashtray]
- Goth Kid God: Fortunately... you're not alone.
- Cashier God: You forgot the milk.
- Joan: Oh, no, thanks. I don't need any.
- Cashier God: You're almost out at home.
- Joan: Uh, okay. Either that's you or you're a really pushy cashier.
- Cashier God: It's up to you.
- Joan: Yeah. It's definitely you.
- Joan: Hey, my turtle ashtray.
- Helen Girardi: Oh, I meant to ask you. Do you mind if I use some of this stuff for a class project?
- Joan: What do you mean "use"?
- Helen Girardi: Well, I need stuff that I can sort of break up and use the pieces.
- Joan: You want to smash my turtle ashtray?
- Helen Girardi: Honey, you made a lot of ashtrays, and this one has a broken head.
- Joan: [protectively] You can't smash Archie.
- Will Girardi: All right, I'm making breakfast. Who's up for French toast?
- Helen Girardi: We don't have any milk.
- Joan: I got some last night.
- [seeing their looks of surprise]
- Joan: What?
- Will Girardi: Oh, well, nothing. It's just a little surprising, you getting milk.
- Joan: It's not like it's a miracle.
- Helen Girardi: Kind of.
- Joan: Something's wrong with Luke. He's all shivery and gross.
- Will Girardi: Oh, boy. Does he have a fever?
- Joan: I don't know. I'm not touching him.
- Mr. Smith: [stuck in an elevator] Not one service provider can get you decent reception in an elevator. It's criminal.
- Will Girardi: You have the right to remain silent. Use it.
- Sergeant Toni Williams: Any luck?
- Will Girardi: I don't know. I think they heard something.