Justice League (TV Series)

Wild Cards: Part II (2003)

Mark Hamill: The Joker

Photos 

Quotes 

• The Joker : My poor, poor, Acey. All your life, people have been recoiling in fear from you. Oh, can I relate. Maybe that's why I'm the only one who's never been scared of you. You see, Ace can send out thought waves that alter perception. But enough with the jargon, she can make you crazy, just by looking at you, in person, or on TV. Even as I speak, millions of you slack-jawed couch potatoes are losing your grip on reality - which in my opinion is highly overrated anyway. But you can't look away, even though you know something's terribly wrong. And the best part, I'm immune to all this, because I'm already crazy. Turn it up, baby!

• Ace : [after seeing Batman pull the headband that the government used on her long ago to block her abilities out of The Joker's pocket, she gets up and advances on him]  I'm not afraid of you.

  The Joker : [backs away]  Wait, please...

  Ace : I know what it's like to frighten other people. That's why I'm not afraid of you. I'm the only one.

• The Joker : Even you can't disarm one my bombs in time.

  The Flash : Shut up!

  The Joker : What kind of a retort is that? You're not even trying.

  [Flash reaches for the blue wire] 

  The Joker : Not the blue one! You'll blow us all to smithereens!

  [Pulls his hand back, then reaches back to the wires again] 

  The Joker : Seriously, you were right. Cut the black one. I mean, the red one. No, blue. That's it, black and yellow striped one. No, wait! Green.

  [Once the bomb has 1 second left on the timer, Flash picks it up and runs offscreen with it, a distant explosion is heard, the Joker's studio shakes for a moment] 

  The Joker : What just happened?

  Cameraman : He uh... I think...

  The Joker : Get me an instant replay. Super slow motion.

  [the cameras throughout town replay what Flash did in slow motion, showing that he ran out of the casino with the bomb, down the streets, then to the outskirts of Las Vegas before it went off] 

  The Joker : ... huh.

• The Joker : [singing to the tune of "London Bridge"]  Big ol' Bats is fallin' down,/On the ground,/Mind unsound,/Big ol' Bats is fallin' down,/I'm so happy!

• The Joker : Mush as I enjoy watching my pummel the Flash, I've learned from hard experience that it always pays to keep an eye on bat guano.

• The Joker : It's only a matter of time now, a few more minutes and millions of people are going to go...

  [flips his lips] 

  The Joker : "b-b-b-b-b-b-b." and it's all because of you

  [Leans close to Ace] 

  The Joker : . The best sidekick a homicidal maniac ever had.

  Harley Quinn : [offscreen]  What about me?

  The Joker : Harley!

  Harley Quinn : [Camera pans to reveal Harley Quinn standing in the nearby doorway, who then advances on The Joker]  Yeah, Harley, you worthless two timing piece...

  The Joker : Wait! Wait. We can't let everything we have be ruined by a silly misunderstanding.

  Harley Quinn : And what is it that I'm not understanding?

  The Joker : That we're two of a kind, that you'll always come back to me.

  Harley Quinn : Yeah, I guess I do, don't I? But...

  The Joker : Like the swallows in Capistrano, and there's one other thing you're not getting.

  Harley Quinn : What?

  The Joker : That you led Batman right to my doorstep!

  [Backhands her] 

  Harley Quinn : Uh!

  [She staggers backwards through a blackboard and to the floor, out cold] 

  The Joker : Tough love. Very effective, don't you think so, Batman? Yoo-hoo! Batman! I know you're here s-

  [Batman punches him in the face from offscreen, knocking him onto his back] 

  The Joker : Oh!

  [Gets up as Batman approaches] 

  The Joker : Oh, there you are. Acey, why don't you give him a piece of your mind?

  [Ace looks to Batman and starts to use her perception altering powers on him] 

• The Joker : Can't stop looking, can you? I wish I could say it's my animal magnetism, but it's really my little Ace in the hole. Different, they called her. Some even said she was a monster.

  [an image of Ace as a baby is shown] 

  The Joker : Is this a monster? I ask you.

  [the shot pans over to her parents, who have been affected by her powers] 

  The Joker : Uh, purely rhetorically, of course.

• The Joker : [Superman disarms one of his bombs]  A person could really learn to hate that guy. Let's go back to watching Green Lantern croak. That should cheer me up.

• The Joker : By my count, the Justice League has disarmed or disabled all but one of my bombs.

  [glancing at the timer in the corner] 

  The Joker : I still don't think they're going to make it, though.

• Batman : [trying to convince Harley that Joker has abandoned her]  You've seen the way he touches her hair, the way he rubs her shoulders.

  Harley Quinn : You mean Ace? She's just a kid.

  Batman : Really? Then why is she with him while you're out here in the cold?

  The Joker : [watching her slug him]  Have to admit, didn't see that one coming.

  [checking his watch] 

  The Joker : Ooh, look at the time! We don't want to miss the big finish.

• The Joker : Was that great or what? Let's give a big hand to the Justice League for foiling my bomb plot. Come on!

  [his cameramen applaud weakly] 

  The Joker : You know, our show was picked up by all the news channels. And the last 15 minutes or so has been running on the broadcast networks. According to my projections, we've got somewhere between 60 and 70 million people watching right now. And that was the point all along. This whole thing was a stunt to get as many of you watching as possible, and it worked! My Royal Flush Gang provided the conflict, the Justice League brought the star power. And I brought the shocking surprise ending. Everyone watching the show right now is witness to my greatest joke ever. In just over five minutes, you'll all be hopelessly, incurably insane.

• Batman : [seeing one of Joker's bombs detonate]  Lantern, are you okay over there? Lantern, check in!

  Hawkgirl : One of the bombs went off. G.L. was inside. I'm looking for him.

  The Flash : I'm on my way.

  Batman : No, you're not. Stay with the bomb.

  The Flash : But...

  Hawkgirl : [finding Lantern]  John!

  [pulling debris off him] 

  Hawkgirl : John.

  [checking his heartbeat] 

  Hawkgirl : No.

  The Joker : [she starts CPR]  Ooh, medical drama. Life-and-death stakes. Compelling human conflict. Ratings.

  Hawkgirl : [still trying to revive Lantern]  Come on!

  [using her mace to jump-start his heart with an electric shock] 

  Hawkgirl : I can't believe I almost lost you without ever telling you.

  Green Lantern : Telling me what?

  The Joker : Enough with the mushy stuff. It's time for Superman's closeup.